I’d be in the backyard minding my own business. The other kids would call me names, like meatball head or neo-Calvinist. I’d run after them, but lucky for them the chain would snap my neck back.
EMO PHILIPSThe battle of the sexes will never be won as long as we keep sleeping with the enemy.
More Emo Philips Quotes
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I used to get drunk every night until I puked. Finally I admitted, “I am a bulemic”.
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I love Florida. I love the beach. I love the sound of the crashing surfers against the rocks.
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When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn’t work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
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Computers aren’t intelligent, they only think they are.
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Once I posed nude for a magazine. I’ve never been back to THAT newstand.
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I was with this girl the other night and from the way she was responding to my skillful caresses, you would have sworn that she was conscious from the top of her head to the tag on her toes.
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When I was 10, I beat up the school bully. His arms were in casts. That’s what gave me the courage.
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I got a job at an amusement park. I like to make the rides more terrifying by throwing a couple of screws onto the seats.
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Probably the toughest time in anyone’s life is when you have to murder a loved one because they’re the devil.
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My ex-girlfriend was very sexy. She reminded me of the Sphinx because she was very mysterious and eternal and solid…and her nose was shot off by French soldiers.
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When I wake up in the morning, I just can’t get started until I’ve had that first, piping hot pot of coffee. Oh, I’ve tried other enemas.
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The battle of the sexes will never be won as long as we keep sleeping with the enemy.
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I’ve been wrestling with reality for most of my life. I’m pleased to say I’ve won.
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My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing.
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I’m learning Cuban. It’s like Spanish, but with fewer words for luxury items.
EMO PHILIPS