I tried body surfing once, but how often do you find a corpse?
EMO PHILIPSI love Florida. I love the beach. I love the sound of the crashing surfers against the rocks.
More Emo Philips Quotes
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I used to think that the brain was the most wonderful organ in my body. Then I realized who was telling me this.
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I took my grandmother to the emergency room. The doctor said that she was on an artificial life support system, and that although her brain was dead her heart was still beating. I though, “we’ve never had a democrat in the family before”.
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I love to go down to the schoolyard and watch all the little children jump up and down and run around yelling and screaming. They don’t know I’m only using blanks.
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The way I understand it, the Russians are sort of a combination of evil and incompetence… sort of like the Post Office with tanks.
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My classmates would copulate with anything that moved, but I never saw any reason to limit myself.
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Once I was in a restaurant and I dropped my fork on the floor, and they gave me a new fork. So I pushed my girlfriend out of her chair.
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They have a sign at the beach, “no glass bottles”. I think that’s so the other sand particles don’t feel like underachievers.
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How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand.
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My ex-girlfriend was very sexy. She reminded me of the Sphinx because she was very mysterious and eternal and solid…and her nose was shot off by French soldiers.
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I don’t know how electricity works. All I know is that it calms me.
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I used to get drunk every night until I puked. Finally I admitted, “I am a bulemic”.
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I don’t know if I was put on this Earth for a purpose or not. But I’m fairly confident that I’ll be taken off of it for one.
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I caught my wife in bed with my best friend the other day. I was crushed. They could have waited till I’d got out.
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I’m learning Cuban. It’s like Spanish, but with fewer words for luxury items.
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I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
EMO PHILIPS