Probably the toughest time in anyone’s life is when you have to murder a loved one because they’re the devil.
EMO PHILIPSI love Florida. I love the beach. I love the sound of the crashing surfers against the rocks.
More Emo Philips Quotes
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Some mornings, it’s just not worth chewing through the leather straps.
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I used to get drunk every night until I puked. Finally I admitted, “I am a bulemic”.
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How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand.
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The way I understand it, the Russians are sort of a combination of evil and incompetence… sort of like the Post Office with tanks.
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So I’m at the wailing wall, standing there like a moron, with my harpoon.
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I’m not as good a swimmer as I used to be – thanks to evolution.
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My girlfriend said, Emo, I’m seeing another man. I said, Well, try rubbing your eyes or something.
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The battle of the sexes will never be won as long as we keep sleeping with the enemy.
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When deciding between two competing theories, always go with the one that doesn’t involve a magic spell.
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I love Florida. I love the beach. I love the sound of the crashing surfers against the rocks.
EMO PHILIPS -
My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing.
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I was walking down fifth avenue today and I found a wallet, and I was gonna keep it, rather than return it, but I thought: well, if I lost a hundred and fifty dollars, how would I feel? And I realized I would want to be taught a lesson.
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You know, a lot of girls go out with me just to further their careers…damn anthropologists.
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When I wake up in the morning, I just can’t get started until I’ve had that first, piping hot pot of coffee. Oh, I’ve tried other enemas.
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The Scots are a very tough people. They have drive-by headbuttings. In Glasgow a sweatband is considered a silencer.
EMO PHILIPS