I used to think that the brain was the most wonderful organ in my body. Then I realized who was telling me this.
EMO PHILIPSI don’t know how electricity works. All I know is that it calms me.
More Emo Philips Quotes
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I got a job at an amusement park. I like to make the rides more terrifying by throwing a couple of screws onto the seats.
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My classmates would copulate with anything that moved, but I never saw any reason to limit myself.
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I’ve always thought the best way to teach a kid not to be scared of the dark is to fill his daylight hours with as much horror as possible.
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I don’t know if I was put on this Earth for a purpose or not. But I’m fairly confident that I’ll be taken off of it for one.
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My parents had very strict rules for me. Rules like, I couldn’t be home until a certain hour.
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I was walking down fifth avenue today and I found a wallet, and I was gonna keep it, rather than return it, but I thought: well, if I lost a hundred and fifty dollars, how would I feel? And I realized I would want to be taught a lesson.
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My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing.
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Once I posed nude for a magazine. I’ve never been back to THAT newstand.
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The way I understand it, the Russians are sort of a combination of evil and incompetence… sort of like the Post Office with tanks.
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When I was a kid, my favourite time of the year when I was child was that magical first snowfall. I’d yell Yippee! Snow! and run up to the front door and shout You know the deal… You have to let me in now.
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People come up to me… concerned… that I’ll reproduce.
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All the nations of the earth must learn to live together in peace. Why be prejudiced against anyone because of their race, nationality, or creed? When there’s so many real reasons to hate others.
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My girlfriend told me that she was seeing another man. I told her to rub her eyes.
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Once I was in a restaurant and I dropped my fork on the floor, and they gave me a new fork. So I pushed my girlfriend out of her chair.
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Don’t wear fur! Did you know, a single fur coat takes fifteen trees, just for the protest signs?
EMO PHILIPS