“Paul Riser tells it in an interesting way; he dissects it and tells the structure, you know, ‘you don’t mention that part here.’ But that’s what’s interesting about it and the people who are absent are interesting too.”

When you’re famous, you’re always famous. It doesn’t go away.

He suffered from paralysis by analysis.

My dad told me if I was ever intimidated by anyone, just picture them with their clothes off. He said that’s how he dealt with my mom.

Stop It, stop lighting your butthol on fire, and everybody listen to me. If you light your ass on fire, I hope you have boxers or a filter of somekind, because if your a bareass person.

An inch of progress is worth more than a yard of complaint.

What do you do if you’re in the car and your girlfriend touches your crotch then asks you to remind her to get kitchen scissors?

I went to school to be an actor in Canada and realized I hated auditions once I left, which is a huge problem if you want to get a part.

Words matter. Especially ones with four letters.

Kindness isn’t just a virtue, its a necessity.

My favorite Dylan song? I think it’s ‘Just Like a Woman.’ It always makes me cry.

As much as I love the whole pirate kind of thing, the quality suffers.

Met a girl the other nite and told her- Before you can be with someone you have to know the value of yourself. So does $200 seem reasonable?

I will always prefer a hardback book, but I’m drawn to digital because it’s so easy to acquire them when I’m having a need-to-read moment.

My father once told me, and it’s stuck with me to this day: As you walk through life, every time you fart it pushes you forward.

People do what they do to each other and they feed on it.

When someone you love is hurting, if it was possible, you’d want to take their pain for them. But do I really want cramps and sore boobs?

I think things happened the way they did for a reason

When I cruise around, I can’t help but study people’s faces and emotions and wonder why they’re feeling the way they are.

When people don’t like the way a play ends, they’re likely to blame the play.

The only way to avoid disruption is to constantly do what you would if you were just starting out.

Better to be right about the trend and wrong about the implementation, than the other way around.

One, I push my deadlines closer than anybody else, or let’s say it this way: I’m really late.

Happiness comes the way the wind blows.

I’m an actor and it happened to go my way that day.