“The best way to avoid a hangover is to stay drunk.”

Writing well is the best revenge.

And if my heart be scarred and burned, The safer, I, for all I learned.

Writing is the art of applying the ass to the seat.

The only useful thing I ever learned in school was that if you spit on your eraser it erased ink.

I hate writing, I love having written.

Los Angeles: Seventy-two suburbs in search of a city.

Ducking for apples — change one letter and it’s the story of my life.

But I don’t give up; I forget why not.

[On being shown an apartment by a real estate agent:] Oh, dear, that’s much too big. All I need is room enough to lay a hat and a few friends.

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

Heterosexuality is not normal, it’s just common.

Creativity is a wild mind and a disciplined eye.

A liberal is a man who leaves the room before the fight starts.

Of course I talk to myself. I like a good speaker, and I appreciate an intelligent audience.

A girl’s best friend is her mutter.

He is a writer for the ages, the ages of four to eight.

The moon stays bright when it doesn’t avoid the night.

Cultivate your curves – they may be dangerous but they won’t be avoided.

I generally avoid temptation unless I can’t resist it.

Avoid putting yourself before others and you can become a leader among men.

One finds one’s destiny on the path one takes to avoid it.

What we avoid, controls us.

Avoid teams at all cost. Keep your circle small. Never join a group that has a name.

There seems to be no limit to which some men will go to avoid the labor of thinking. Thinking is hard work.