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I’ve always felt England was a great place for a comic to work. It’s an island and the audience can’t run very far.

Bob Hope

I don’t know if the presidential candidates are running for the White House or Animal House.
BOB HOPE

Animal Running White
Titleist has offered me a big contract not to play its balls.
BOB HOPE

Balls Golf Play
A James Cagney love scene is one where he lets the other guy live.
BOB HOPE

Funny Hope Love
Sure, we did need the oil in America. How else could Dolly Parton get into some of her dresses?
BOB HOPE

Dresses Funny Humorous Oil
There was nothing subtle about our landing. The pilot just pointed the nose at the ground and let her rip.
BOB HOPE

Funny Humorous Pointed Rip
Bing Crosby and I weren’t the types to go around kissing each other. We always had a light jab for each other.
BOB HOPE

Doing Nothing Kissing Light
Free speech isn’t dead in Germany and Italy, merely the speakers.
BOB HOPE

Funny Humorous Italian
The old water heater in my dressing room was working, but it was kind of tired. It gave off about as much warmth as an agent’s handshake.
BOB HOPE

Funny Handshake Tired Water
A photographer kept shooting me every time I swung. I was very flattered until I found out he was from Field and Stream.
BOB HOPE

Fields Flatterers Golf Shooting
Golf is a game that needlessly prolongs the lives of some of our most useless citizens.
BOB HOPE

Citizen Funny Golf Hope
Television. That’s where movies go when they die.
BOB HOPE

Country Dies Movie People Television
I once showed Pat Bradley my swing and said, ‘What do I do next?’ Pat replied, ‘Wait till the pain dies down.’
BOB HOPE

Dies Golf Pain Swings
The Governor has no presidential aspirations. In fact he just made a tour of 43 states just to tell them he’s not running for anything.
BOB HOPE

Aspiration Funny Presidential Running States
The help (in Japan) is very polite. They bow so much, you don’t know which end to talk to.
BOB HOPE

Country Funny Humorous People
For the first time, you can actually see the losers turn green
BOB HOPE

Firsts Green Oscars
I’d give up golf if I didn’t have so many sweaters.
BOB HOPE

Giving Golf Sweaters Up

I’ve always felt England was a great place for a comic to work. It’s an island and the audience can’t run very far.

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I’ve always felt England was a great place for a comic to work. It’s an island and the audience can’t run very far.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

More Bob Hope Quotes