There’s a metal train that a mile long and at the very back end a lightning bolt struck her. How long til it reaches and kills the driver, provided that he’s a good conductor?
BO BURNHAMIf I had a dime for every time a homeless guy asked me for change, I’d still say no.
More Bo Burnham Quotes
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Squaring numbers are just like women. If they’re under thirteen, just do them in your head.
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Quotes are for dumb people who can’t think of something intelligent to say on their own.
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For fifteen cents a day you can feed an African, they eat pennies.
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I think the love-hate is fundamental. Everyone hates reality television, and everyone’s watching it. Everyone hates Facebook, and everyone is on it.
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I feel more like I’m doing a play whose main character just happens to share my name.
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The biggest danger, for me, with making yourself your act is that a lot of people with think they know you for better or worse. That’s an ongoing struggle with me and it can get really trippy sometimes.
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I’d really love to make something that doesn’t involve my stupid face.
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Was Einstein’s theory good? Relatively.
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Poverty. Racism. Isn’t it strange, only the homeless are begging for change?
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People do complain about the way I act on stage… They think on stage I act too arrogant, too self-obsessed, solecistic, self-contained, synonyms.
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I’m not a grown up until everybody realises I’m a grown up. When everyone remembers me as the dirty kid singing little songs I am the dirty little kid.
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I think it’s using people, I think it’s like encouraging something that’s unhealthy, telling people you love them. “I love you.” Oh really, you love your fans?
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I’m gay for Jesus, fill me with your grace. Pour your love all over me, but please aim away from my face.
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I actually wrestled in high school. I was only in one match, and I lost… my virginity.
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Laughter is the best medicine, y’know, besides medicine.
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My persona is most importantly just to communicate the material in a way that is most funny and meaningful in the moment. It’s more like a character that’s sculpted for whatever joke needs communicating at the moment.
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The strange thing with Wikipedia is that the first article that ever gets written about you will define your Wikipedia page forever.
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If I had a dime for every time a homeless guy asked me for change, I’d still say no.
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Women are like puzzles because prior to 1920 neither had the right to vote. Puzzles still don’t.
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I’ve been doin’ drive-bys all of my life. Except the bullets are newspapers, the car is my bike.
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I’m friends with a lot of comedians, but we don’t talk about material. Most comedians I know don’t watch a lot of other comedy.
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I have a pretty good math mind, so I can see patterns, but I don’t have a great ear. It’s like a tragedy – I can see so much more natural musical ability in so many other people.
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It’s not most important to communicate myself on stage as it is to be as funny or interesting as I possibly can on stage.
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What’s that? My six song album entitled Bo Fo Sho is currently available on iTunes? With three songs that have never been heard on the internet? Uh, and if I try to pirate it for free I’ll get AIDS? I would have guessed scurvy. Well, see you later ghost of Dr.Martin Luther King Jr.
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Is there anything better than pussy? Yeah, a really good book.
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And if ten percent of men are gay and twenty percent of men are Chinese, what are the odds that a men chosen at random spends his free time and mealtime while on his knees.
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