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If Jesus can walk on water, can he swim on land?

Bo Burnham

For some comedians it feels so cool to be like: ‘I’ll say anything, man!’. I’m not quite there yet.
BO BURNHAM

Comedians Men Say Anything
Even if he is your friend, never, ever call an Asian person.
BO BURNHAM

Asian Country People Persons
What’s that? My six song album entitled Bo Fo Sho is currently available on iTunes? With three songs that have never been heard on the internet? Uh, and if I try to pirate it for free I’ll get AIDS? I would have guessed scurvy. Well, see you later ghost of Dr.Martin Luther King Jr.
BO BURNHAM

Internet Kings Pirate Song Try
I believe, firmly, that women are always right. Ah, I should actually rephrase that: I… don’t.
BO BURNHAM

Belief Funny Humor
Love is all about… whistles.
BO BURNHAM

About Love Whistle
Postmodern comedy doesn’t work well with very old audiences, because it’s making fun of the comedy they enjoy.
BO BURNHAM

Comedy Enjoy Fun
If comedy is about surprises, about tension, there’s a lot of tension and surprise there, in the fact that people are expecting this to be natural.
BO BURNHAM

Comedy Facts People
And two balls minus one, six titles at the tour de France.
BO BURNHAM

Balls Funny Humor Person Two
Poverty. Racism. Isn’t it strange, only the homeless are begging for change?
BO BURNHAM

Funny Humor Poverty Racism
I met a bipolar bear. He laughed, cried, then wanted a threesome.
BO BURNHAM

Bears Beliefs Bipolar Mets
The strange thing with Wikipedia is that the first article that ever gets written about you will define your Wikipedia page forever.
BO BURNHAM

Firsts Forever Wikipedia
Bitches and hoes don’t exist because the hoes know Bo’s a feminist.
BO BURNHAM

Bitches Country Feminist Hoe Knows People
When I see someone filming me, I don’t usually think, ‘No, man, don’t put this up online!’ I’d think, ‘Hey man, you don’t get to go to shows very often, put down the camera and enjoy it!’ I love going to theatre and to shows so much.
BO BURNHAM

Country Men People Theatre Thinking
People give me money and I don’t know why, my real collection plate is an empty cup held by a homeless guy.
BO BURNHAM

Geneticist Giving People Real
I work really hard on the shows and I think the shows speak for themselves. I don’t want to construct the show to prove something.
BO BURNHAM

Speak Thinking Want
I’m bored way too easily. I’m staring at screens half the day. I need to be overstimulated. And how will that express itself artistically?
BO BURNHAM

Bored Half Needs Overstimulated Scene
$Bo Burnham Quote - I have a pretty good math mind, so I can see patterns, but I don’t have a great ear. It’s like a tragedy – I can see so much more natural musical ability in so many other people.$

I have a pretty good math mind, so I can see patterns, but I don’t have a great ear. It’s like a tragedy – I can see so much more natural musical ability in so many other people.
BO BURNHAM

Ability Math Music People Pretty
And if ten percent of men are gay and twenty percent of men are Chinese, what are the odds that a men chosen at random spends his free time and mealtime while on his knees.
BO BURNHAM

Country Funny Gay Humor Meet Time
There’s a certain line between jokes and music and poetry that’s a bit blurred in my mind.
BO BURNHAM

Certain Joke Lines Mind Poetry
The world doesn’t need any more hot chicks or tough guys or smooth talkers – the world needs more you. And don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
BO BURNHAM

Anyone Otherwise Smooth Talker Tell
At the time of ‘Words, Words, Words,’ I’m a 19-year-old getting up feeling like he’s entitled to do comedy and tell you what he thinks of the world, so that’s inherently a little bit ridiculous.
BO BURNHAM

Feelings Thinking Time Years
When things [writing] are over, I always think, ‘well, I’m never going to do anything again because I have no ideas so I’m going to go be a farmer’. Or else ideas will come and and if not then I become a farmer. Hopefully won’t happen.
BO BURNHAM

Ideas Thinking Writing
I feel more like I’m doing a play whose main character just happens to share my name.
BO BURNHAM

Character Doing Feel Main
I chose to do comedy instead of going to college.
BO BURNHAM

Close College Comedy Going
I’m gay for Jesus, fill me with your grace. Pour your love all over me, but please aim away from my face.
BO BURNHAM

Funny Gay Humor Jesus
Comedy is the one absolutely self-aware art form. Actually, hip-hop’s another one, I suppose. Because in your songs you’re talking about how good a hip-hop artist you are. It’s like a painter painting a panting of himself painting a painting.
BO BURNHAM

Art Aware Comedy Self Song
I’m a stand up comic and I always sit and slouch, and I got my girlfriend pregnant on my sterile uncles pull-out couch.
BO BURNHAM

Funny Girlfriend Uncle

If Jesus can walk on water, can he swim on land?

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If Jesus can walk on water, can he swim on land?

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