Drugs kill, just like cancer. So don’t smoke… tumors.
BO BURNHAMWhat’s a pirate minus the ship? just a creative homeless guy
More Bo Burnham Quotes
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I don’t like calling myself a “feminist” only because I don’t think I’ve done anything active enough to call myself one. It’d be like calling myself a civil rights activist just because I’m not racist.
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Because I see that as a crutch sometimes and I want to know that I can do something funny and worthwhile without that. And also make a show that my parents would like and that kids could watch with their parents.
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When I see someone filming me, I don’t usually think, ‘No, man, don’t put this up online!’ I’d think, ‘Hey man, you don’t get to go to shows very often, put down the camera and enjoy it!’ I love going to theatre and to shows so much.
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For me, if you distill comedy down, it is surprise and the unexpected. That has to be it on its most base level, in any form.
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I’d really love to make something that doesn’t involve my stupid face.
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Was Einstein’s theory good? Relatively.
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There’s a metal train that a mile long and at the very back end a lightning bolt struck her. How long til it reaches and kills the driver, provided that he’s a good conductor?
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I’m a stand up comic and I always sit and slouch, and I got my girlfriend pregnant on my sterile uncles pull-out couch.
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Love is all about… whistles.
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Where are all the sour patch parents?
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I’m gay for Jesus, fill me with your grace. Pour your love all over me, but please aim away from my face.
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I’m not a grown up until everybody realises I’m a grown up. When everyone remembers me as the dirty kid singing little songs I am the dirty little kid.
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I don’t need anything as long as I have my family, friends, millions of dollars, unlimited pussy.
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I met a bipolar bear. He laughed, cried, then wanted a threesome.
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If comedy is about surprises, about tension, there’s a lot of tension and surprise there, in the fact that people are expecting this to be natural.
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Laughter is the best medicine, y’know, besides medicine.
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They must have some special kind of cereal!’ My mind was so warped by the idea of fame.
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I think controversy has this allusion of being controversial but it’s totally not, which is why I’m trying to get away from it because it’s just easy and automatic.
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I work really hard on the shows and I think the shows speak for themselves. I don’t want to construct the show to prove something.
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People give me money and I don’t know why, my real collection plate is an empty cup held by a homeless guy.
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If I had a dime for every time a homeless guy asked me for change, I’d still say no.
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When things [writing] are over, I always think, ‘well, I’m never going to do anything again because I have no ideas so I’m going to go be a farmer’. Or else ideas will come and and if not then I become a farmer. Hopefully won’t happen.
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Is there anything better than pussy? Yeah, a really good book.
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And two balls minus one, six titles at the tour de France.
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I love you like a gay geneticist loves designer genes.
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The classic comedian says there’s nothing that’s taboo; if you laugh at one thing you’ve got to laugh at everything, that comedy is taking people to dark areas and showing them the light.
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