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Nobody is more truthful when he’s acting than De Niro.

Billy Crystal

Dad had a music store, and he’d often bring home comedy albums that I would listen to. I started listening to Bob Newhart and Bill Cosby, and developing taste. They really influenced my style of comedy.
BILLY CRYSTAL

Dad Home Style
I don’t like heights. This is why I stopped growing at fifth grade.
BILLY CRYSTAL

Fifth Grade Growing Height
I had really good hearing and when you’re scared it gets heightened so you hear scratching noises or something.
BILLY CRYSTAL

Hearing Noise Scared
There’s only, I think, in life, three things that I do pretty well: Performing, I still can field ground balls, and I make nice kids.
BILLY CRYSTAL

Kids Nice Thinking
I used to limp around my neighborhood imitating him. I did my Bar Mitzvah with an Oklahoma drawl.
BILLY CRYSTAL

Baseball Country
Did you ever reach a point in your life, where you say to yourself, ‘This is the best I’m ever going to look, the best I’m ever going to feel, the best I’m ever going to do,’ and it ain’t that great?
BILLY CRYSTAL

Feels Looks Reach
I started examining history and then everything related to the theater. History, art, all the other studies, if I could link them into the theater, then it became alive for me. It just opened up my eyes.
BILLY CRYSTAL

Eyes History Open Related Started
Nobody is more truthful when he’s acting than De Niro.
BILLY CRYSTAL

Acting Comedy Truthful
Whoo-hoo-hoo, look who knows so much. It just so happens that your friend here is only MOSTLY dead.
BILLY CRYSTAL

Clothes Differences Looks
It’s money. I remember it from when I was single
BILLY CRYSTAL

Financial Funny Money
I’ve always thought that the key to a good sex life is variety. That’s why God gave me two hands. Humans love sex, we need sex, it’s how we connect, it reminds us we’re alive, it’s the third most basic human need, after food and good movie popcorn.
BILLY CRYSTAL

Hands Sex Two
Even when I was in school shows, in elementary school doing plays, I’d always go off book and start improvising.
BILLY CRYSTAL

Book Improvising Play School
When you realize you want to invest the rest of your lifestyle with somebody, you want the rest of your life to commence as quickly as achievable.
BILLY CRYSTAL

Life Realizing Rest Want Your
I was introducing [director and producer] Hal Roach – Mr. Roach was 100 years old, he was one of the fathers of early days in films, he put Laurel with Hardy, he created the Our Gang kids, and all these silent movies he did – he was a giant.
BILLY CRYSTAL

Father Introducing Kids Producer Years
Change is such hard work.
BILLY CRYSTAL

Change Inspirational Work
We were in front of a live audience and I would be acting with the man who was playing my lover, and we used those words, and the audience would titter and laugh, and make me uncomfortable doing the scenes. …
BILLY CRYSTAL

Audience Front Growing Men Self Used
I’d like to think there is a Heaven, and it starts from the happiest day in your life.
BILLY CRYSTAL

Happiest Heaven Life Thinking
Well, the way things are going, aside from wheat and auto parts, America’s biggest export is now the Oscar.
BILLY CRYSTAL

Country Funny Humorous
I’m married – I’ve caught my limit.
BILLY CRYSTAL

Caught Limits Married
That’s why that show, no matter who hosts it, it really should be a fast-thinking comedian who is really quick on their feet that can handle situations that happen, or somebody with that kind of mentality that can capitalize on something.
BILLY CRYSTAL

Comedian Host Mentality Situations Thinking
I love doing it [hosting the Oscars] because I love the danger of it and you have to come through and think on your feet.
BILLY CRYSTAL

Comedian Feet Thinking
I think when I feel I’m at my best is when I’m on stage, and it’s my version of jazz because it’s just riffing or something.
BILLY CRYSTAL

Comedy Jazz Thinking
Nothing can take the sting out of the world’s economic problems like watching millionaires present each other with golden statues.
BILLY CRYSTAL

Golden Problem World
From the first time I saw Sid Caesar be funny I knew that’s what I had to do.
BILLY CRYSTAL

Ghouls Saws Sids
Two thousand years ago Jesus is crucified, three days later he walks out of a cave and they celebrate with chocolate bunnies and marshmallow Peeps and beautifully decorated eggs. I guess these were things Jesus loved as a child.
BILLY CRYSTAL

Celebrate Children Easter Guess Jesus Peep
My grandparents invented joylessness. They were not fun. I’ve already had more fun with my grandchildren than my grandparents ever had with me.
BILLY CRYSTAL

Fun Grandchildren Grandparent
What’s so fascinating and frustrating and great about life is that you’re constantly starting over, all the time, and I love that.
BILLY CRYSTAL

Frustrating Life Over Starting

Nobody is more truthful when he’s acting than De Niro.

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Nobody is more truthful when he’s acting than De Niro.

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