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I used to limp around my neighborhood imitating him. I did my Bar Mitzvah with an Oklahoma drawl.

Billy Crystal

The Passion of the Christ opened up on Ash Wednesday, had a Good Friday.
BILLY CRYSTAL

Ashes Friday Passion
Good news, they found Nemo! The bad news is, they found him in one of Wolfgang Puck’s puff pastries.
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News Puck Puff
You have to always remember they’re not your own kids. Play with them, love them, spoil them to death – then hand them back.
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Death Kids Love Own Play
I always came away thinking “I’d like to see her more,” you know? And then when [Parental Guidance] was ready to be cast, we thought – Bette [Midler]. So we called her.
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Guidance Now Then Thinking
Women need a reason to have sex, men just need a place.
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Being Funny Sex Sexy Single
You give up your dream, you give up.
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Dream Giving Vision
Well, the way things are going, aside from wheat and auto parts, America’s biggest export is now the Oscar.
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Country Funny Humorous
Bambi, to a kid, was scary.
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Comedy Kids Scary
If you do something for the first time, you will always remember it. If your Dad has something to do with it, you write about it.
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Dad Father Respect
That’s the thing about jazz: it’s free flowing, it comes from your soul.
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Comedy Jazz Soul
That’s why that show, no matter who hosts it, it really should be a fast-thinking comedian who is really quick on their feet that can handle situations that happen, or somebody with that kind of mentality that can capitalize on something.
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Comedian Host Mentality Situations Thinking
I used to limp around my neighborhood imitating him. I did my Bar Mitzvah with an Oklahoma drawl.
BILLY CRYSTAL

Baseball Country
When you realize you want to invest the rest of your lifestyle with somebody, you want the rest of your life to commence as quickly as achievable.
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Life Realizing Rest Want Your
I’m a baby. I sleep like a baby – I’m up every two hours. And I think a lot. I worry a lot. I have great nights of no sleep where ideas come.
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Baby Night Sleep
In high school, I was the class comedian as opposed to the class clown. The difference is the class clown is the guy who drops his pants at the football game, the class comedian is the guy who talked him into it.
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Football Games School
I’m going to go on just living and laughing and loving.
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Goes Laughing On
There’s only, I think, in life, three things that I do pretty well: Performing, I still can field ground balls, and I make nice kids.
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Kids Nice Thinking
Change is such hard work.
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Change Inspirational Work
Even when I was in school shows, in elementary school doing plays, I’d always go off book and start improvising.
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Book Improvising Play School
Kids need a happy household. They need to be loved and supported in their dreams. And I don’t think you can make your kids’ dreams your own. They need you to support them in their dreams.
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Dream Kids Thinking
I was introducing [director and producer] Hal Roach – Mr. Roach was 100 years old, he was one of the fathers of early days in films, he put Laurel with Hardy, he created the Our Gang kids, and all these silent movies he did – he was a giant.
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Father Introducing Kids Producer Years
From the first time I saw Sid Caesar be funny I knew that’s what I had to do.
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Ghouls Saws Sids
It’s money. I remember it from when I was single
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Financial Funny Money
A laugh is a weird sound, and when you get a couple thousand people making it at once, it’s really strange. But when I can feel proud of myself for causing it, it’s great.
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Couple Laughing People
Nothing can take the sting out of the world’s economic problems like watching millionaires present each other with golden statues.
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Golden Problem World
I’m comfortable being old… being black… being Jewish.
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Being Black Comedy Old
I think when I feel I’m at my best is when I’m on stage, and it’s my version of jazz because it’s just riffing or something.
BILLY CRYSTAL

Comedy Jazz Thinking

I used to limp around my neighborhood imitating him. I did my Bar Mitzvah with an Oklahoma drawl.

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I used to limp around my neighborhood imitating him. I did my Bar Mitzvah with an Oklahoma drawl.

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Popular Authors

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