I’ve always thought that the key to a good sex life is variety. That’s why God gave me two hands. Humans love sex, we need sex, it’s how we connect, it reminds us we’re alive, it’s the third most basic human need, after food and good movie popcorn.
BILLY CRYSTALAt 60, I could do the same things I could do at 30, if I could only remember what those things are.
More Billy Crystal Quotes
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My grandparents invented joylessness. They were not fun. I’ve already had more fun with my grandchildren than my grandparents ever had with me.
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From the first time I saw Sid Caesar be funny I knew that’s what I had to do.
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You really have to have some muscle to be on the stage in front of the world.
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I’m going to go on just living and laughing and loving.
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Nobody is more truthful when he’s acting than De Niro.
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The inspiration was this great group of 40 or 50 relatives, sometimes for Thanksgiving or Passover or something and my brothers would just go up and make them laugh.
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I’m a sucker for a free tuxedo.
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That’s why that show, no matter who hosts it, it really should be a fast-thinking comedian who is really quick on their feet that can handle situations that happen, or somebody with that kind of mentality that can capitalize on something.
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If you do something for the first time, you will always remember it. If your Dad has something to do with it, you write about it.
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We were in front of a live audience and I would be acting with the man who was playing my lover, and we used those words, and the audience would titter and laugh, and make me uncomfortable doing the scenes. …
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Nothing can take the sting out of the world’s economic problems like watching millionaires present each other with golden statues.
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Two thousand years ago Jesus is crucified, three days later he walks out of a cave and they celebrate with chocolate bunnies and marshmallow Peeps and beautifully decorated eggs. I guess these were things Jesus loved as a child.
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The Passion of the Christ opened up on Ash Wednesday, had a Good Friday.
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Did you ever reach a point in your life, where you say to yourself, ‘This is the best I’m ever going to look, the best I’m ever going to feel, the best I’m ever going to do,’ and it ain’t that great?
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At some point I stopped stand-up because I didn’t have something to say on a nightly basis.
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Don’t give up your power.
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I always came away thinking “I’d like to see her more,” you know? And then when [Parental Guidance] was ready to be cast, we thought – Bette [Midler]. So we called her.
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I’m comfortable being old… being black… being Jewish.
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I have 40-something intros [that Davis Jr. did]; all are different, none of them happened. And it was hilarious.
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You have to really respect what your kids are doing with their kids and how they’re raising them. You can’t push your way into areas where you shouldn’t be saying anything.
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I never stopped believing in us and I never felt like I was wanting for anything, except for my father, and that was not going to be. I describe in the book [that] I don’t think I ever felt young again in that way.
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When you realize you want to invest the rest of your lifestyle with somebody, you want the rest of your life to commence as quickly as achievable.
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Good news, they found Nemo! The bad news is, they found him in one of Wolfgang Puck’s puff pastries.
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At 60, I could do the same things I could do at 30, if I could only remember what those things are.
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You give up your dream, you give up.
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Dad had a music store, and he’d often bring home comedy albums that I would listen to. I started listening to Bob Newhart and Bill Cosby, and developing taste. They really influenced my style of comedy.
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