“I’ve always thought that the key to a good sex life is variety. That’s why God gave me two hands. Humans love sex, we need sex, it’s how we connect, it reminds us we’re alive, it’s the third most basic human need, after food and good movie popcorn.”

To be good, you need to believe in what you’re doing.

Good news, they found Nemo! The bad news is, they found him in one of Wolfgang Puck’s puff pastries.

Change is such hard work.

You really have to have some muscle to be on the stage in front of the world.

We were in front of a live audience and I would be acting with the man who was playing my lover, and we used those words, and the audience would titter and laugh, and make me uncomfortable doing the scenes. …

I was introducing [director and producer] Hal Roach – Mr. Roach was 100 years old, he was one of the fathers of early days in films, he put Laurel with Hardy, he created the Our Gang kids, and all these silent movies he did – he was a giant.

I’d like to think there is a Heaven, and it starts from the happiest day in your life.

You have to really respect what your kids are doing with their kids and how they’re raising them. You can’t push your way into areas where you shouldn’t be saying anything.

I used to limp around my neighborhood imitating him. I did my Bar Mitzvah with an Oklahoma drawl.

There’s only, I think, in life, three things that I do pretty well: Performing, I still can field ground balls, and I make nice kids.

A laugh is a weird sound, and when you get a couple thousand people making it at once, it’s really strange. But when I can feel proud of myself for causing it, it’s great.

Kids need a happy household. They need to be loved and supported in their dreams. And I don’t think you can make your kids’ dreams your own. They need you to support them in their dreams.

That’s why that show, no matter who hosts it, it really should be a fast-thinking comedian who is really quick on their feet that can handle situations that happen, or somebody with that kind of mentality that can capitalize on something.

You give up your dream, you give up.

It’s money. I remember it from when I was single

I’m a sucker for a free tuxedo.

We are living in the excesses of freedom. Just take a look at 42nd Street and Broadway.

There have been only 268 of the past 3,421 years free of war.

Timidity betrays want of powers, and audacity a want of skill. There are, indeed, two things, knowledge and opinion, of which the one makes its possessor really to know, the other to be ignorant.

The truth is, the greatest tool to lift children and families from poverty is one that decreases the probability of child poverty by 82%. But it isn’t a government spending program. It’s called marriage.

A writer needs three things, experience, observation, and imagination, any two of which, at times any one of which, can supply the lack of the others.

We want a fully comprehensive trade deal that reflects our deep, ongoing relationship, the friendship between our two countries.

War and drink are the two things man is never too poor to buy.

There are two kinds of faith. There is the natural faith. But the supernatural faith is the gift of God.