“When you realize you want to invest the rest of your lifestyle with somebody, you want the rest of your life to commence as quickly as achievable.”

You really have to have some muscle to be on the stage in front of the world.

We were in front of a live audience and I would be acting with the man who was playing my lover, and we used those words, and the audience would titter and laugh, and make me uncomfortable doing the scenes. …

I was introducing [director and producer] Hal Roach – Mr. Roach was 100 years old, he was one of the fathers of early days in films, he put Laurel with Hardy, he created the Our Gang kids, and all these silent movies he did – he was a giant.

I’d like to think there is a Heaven, and it starts from the happiest day in your life.

You have to really respect what your kids are doing with their kids and how they’re raising them. You can’t push your way into areas where you shouldn’t be saying anything.

I’ve always thought that the key to a good sex life is variety. That’s why God gave me two hands. Humans love sex, we need sex, it’s how we connect, it reminds us we’re alive, it’s the third most basic human need, after food and good movie popcorn.

I used to limp around my neighborhood imitating him. I did my Bar Mitzvah with an Oklahoma drawl.

There’s only, I think, in life, three things that I do pretty well: Performing, I still can field ground balls, and I make nice kids.

A laugh is a weird sound, and when you get a couple thousand people making it at once, it’s really strange. But when I can feel proud of myself for causing it, it’s great.

Kids need a happy household. They need to be loved and supported in their dreams. And I don’t think you can make your kids’ dreams your own. They need you to support them in their dreams.

That’s why that show, no matter who hosts it, it really should be a fast-thinking comedian who is really quick on their feet that can handle situations that happen, or somebody with that kind of mentality that can capitalize on something.

You give up your dream, you give up.

It’s money. I remember it from when I was single

I’m a sucker for a free tuxedo.

I started examining history and then everything related to the theater. History, art, all the other studies, if I could link them into the theater, then it became alive for me. It just opened up my eyes.

Well, the way things are going, aside from wheat and auto parts, America’s biggest export is now the Oscar.

When I was younger, I felt like I could say anything and it was funny.

You’ve got mountains of your own, I’ll bet on it. Take heart. Be encouraged. Remain steadfast.

Growing up in New York, I was sort of shocked when I realized that my children are Californians.

Realizing that everyone (consciously or subconsciously) feels alone too – but no matter what, we’re actually ALL together – is what has helped evolve my way of thinking about it.

Feeling alone is what most likely sparked this way of thinking.

They’re all a huge influence on me. For me, just following rock history and watching Darkness On the Edge of Town and realizing that’s it’s okay to be obsessed with a snare sound because Bruce Springsteen was obsessed with a snare sound.

I love factoids. It’s hard for me to keep those out. It just takes realizing that it’s stopping the character.

It’s rare in life to look at all the people around you and realize that they’re all invested in what you’re doing.