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You really have to have some muscle to be on the stage in front of the world.

Billy Crystal

What’s so fascinating and frustrating and great about life is that you’re constantly starting over, all the time, and I love that.
BILLY CRYSTAL

Frustrating Life Over Starting
In high school, I was the class comedian as opposed to the class clown. The difference is the class clown is the guy who drops his pants at the football game, the class comedian is the guy who talked him into it.
BILLY CRYSTAL

Football Games School
By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he’s too old to go anywhere.
BILLY CRYSTAL

Inspirational Life Wise
The Passion of the Christ opened up on Ash Wednesday, had a Good Friday.
BILLY CRYSTAL

Ashes Friday Passion
I had really good hearing and when you’re scared it gets heightened so you hear scratching noises or something.
BILLY CRYSTAL

Hearing Noise Scared
I never stopped believing in us and I never felt like I was wanting for anything, except for my father, and that was not going to be. I describe in the book [that] I don’t think I ever felt young again in that way.
BILLY CRYSTAL

Believe Book Father
Did you ever reach a point in your life, where you say to yourself, ‘This is the best I’m ever going to look, the best I’m ever going to feel, the best I’m ever going to do,’ and it ain’t that great?
BILLY CRYSTAL

Feels Looks Reach
Women need a reason to have sex, men just need a place.
BILLY CRYSTAL

Being Funny Sex Sexy Single
Bambi, to a kid, was scary.
BILLY CRYSTAL

Comedy Kids Scary
There’s only, I think, in life, three things that I do pretty well: Performing, I still can field ground balls, and I make nice kids.
BILLY CRYSTAL

Kids Nice Thinking
Don’t give up your power.
BILLY CRYSTAL

Don't Give Up Giving Up Power
As a director and an actor, I encourage improvisation but in character and in the moment of what it is.
BILLY CRYSTAL

Actors Character Directors
[I did impressions] of relatives because I heard so many different sounds. My dad was in the music business and of course my uncle was a giant [music producer], but my dad in particular had the house filled with these Dixieland jazz stars.
BILLY CRYSTAL

Dad Stars Uncle
When comedy is good, it’s jazz. The beats of it, the looseness, the improvisational part, the music-the way you hit the inflection, the high notes of a joke. It’s all melody to me.
BILLY CRYSTAL

Art Comedy Way
I don’t like heights. This is why I stopped growing at fifth grade.
BILLY CRYSTAL

Fifth Grade Growing Height
I used to limp around my neighborhood imitating him. I did my Bar Mitzvah with an Oklahoma drawl.
BILLY CRYSTAL

Baseball Country
My grandparents invented joylessness. They were not fun. I’ve already had more fun with my grandchildren than my grandparents ever had with me.
BILLY CRYSTAL

Fun Grandchildren Grandparent
That’s the thing about jazz: it’s free flowing, it comes from your soul.
BILLY CRYSTAL

Comedy Jazz Soul
I have 40-something intros [that Davis Jr. did]; all are different, none of them happened. And it was hilarious.
BILLY CRYSTAL

Different Happened Something
Nothing can take the sting out of the world’s economic problems like watching millionaires present each other with golden statues.
BILLY CRYSTAL

Golden Problem World
I was introducing [director and producer] Hal Roach – Mr. Roach was 100 years old, he was one of the fathers of early days in films, he put Laurel with Hardy, he created the Our Gang kids, and all these silent movies he did – he was a giant.
BILLY CRYSTAL

Father Introducing Kids Producer Years
I’m comfortable being old… being black… being Jewish.
BILLY CRYSTAL

Being Black Comedy Old
I always came away thinking “I’d like to see her more,” you know? And then when [Parental Guidance] was ready to be cast, we thought – Bette [Midler]. So we called her.
BILLY CRYSTAL

Guidance Now Then Thinking
Two thousand years ago Jesus is crucified, three days later he walks out of a cave and they celebrate with chocolate bunnies and marshmallow Peeps and beautifully decorated eggs. I guess these were things Jesus loved as a child.
BILLY CRYSTAL

Celebrate Children Easter Guess Jesus Peep
Kids need a happy household. They need to be loved and supported in their dreams. And I don’t think you can make your kids’ dreams your own. They need you to support them in their dreams.
BILLY CRYSTAL

Dream Kids Thinking
I’m married – I’ve caught my limit.
BILLY CRYSTAL

Caught Limits Married
Whoo-hoo-hoo, look who knows so much. It just so happens that your friend here is only MOSTLY dead.
BILLY CRYSTAL

Clothes Differences Looks

You really have to have some muscle to be on the stage in front of the world.

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You really have to have some muscle to be on the stage in front of the world.

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