Did you ever reach a point in your life, where you say to yourself, ‘This is the best I’m ever going to look, the best I’m ever going to feel, the best I’m ever going to do,’ and it ain’t that great?
BILLY CRYSTALI love doing it [hosting the Oscars] because I love the danger of it and you have to come through and think on your feet.
More Billy Crystal Quotes
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I think when I feel I’m at my best is when I’m on stage, and it’s my version of jazz because it’s just riffing or something.
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Don’t give up your power.
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I used to limp around my neighborhood imitating him. I did my Bar Mitzvah with an Oklahoma drawl.
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There’s a big difference between mostly dead and all dead. Mostly dead is slightly alive. With all dead, well, with all dead there’s usually only one thing you can do. Go through his clothes and look for loose change.
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A laugh is a weird sound, and when you get a couple thousand people making it at once, it’s really strange. But when I can feel proud of myself for causing it, it’s great.
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I don’t like heights. This is why I stopped growing at fifth grade.
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I’d like to think there is a Heaven, and it starts from the happiest day in your life.
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Well, the way things are going, aside from wheat and auto parts, America’s biggest export is now the Oscar.
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What’s so fascinating and frustrating and great about life is that you’re constantly starting over, all the time, and I love that.
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I started examining history and then everything related to the theater. History, art, all the other studies, if I could link them into the theater, then it became alive for me. It just opened up my eyes.
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Two thousand years ago Jesus is crucified, three days later he walks out of a cave and they celebrate with chocolate bunnies and marshmallow Peeps and beautifully decorated eggs. I guess these were things Jesus loved as a child.
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Whoo-hoo-hoo, look who knows so much. It just so happens that your friend here is only MOSTLY dead.
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There’s only, I think, in life, three things that I do pretty well: Performing, I still can field ground balls, and I make nice kids.
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You really have to have some muscle to be on the stage in front of the world.
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When I’ve gotten criticism, it’s that it’s too long, too soft, didn’t hit the government hard enough. Then when I do hit the government, they go, What’s he doing hitting the government?
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In high school, I was the class comedian as opposed to the class clown. The difference is the class clown is the guy who drops his pants at the football game, the class comedian is the guy who talked him into it.
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You have to really respect what your kids are doing with their kids and how they’re raising them. You can’t push your way into areas where you shouldn’t be saying anything.
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I’m married – I’ve caught my limit.
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At some point I stopped stand-up because I didn’t have something to say on a nightly basis.
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I’m comfortable being old… being black… being Jewish.
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I’m a sucker for a free tuxedo.
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From the first time I saw Sid Caesar be funny I knew that’s what I had to do.
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When we had the girls, my daughter Jenny gave us like a Bible from my daughter of, “Don’t feed them this; don’t feed them that, if she says this, don’t say that,” It was crazy!
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You have to always remember they’re not your own kids. Play with them, love them, spoil them to death – then hand them back.
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Good news, they found Nemo! The bad news is, they found him in one of Wolfgang Puck’s puff pastries.
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Nothing can take the sting out of the world’s economic problems like watching millionaires present each other with golden statues.
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