Learn to feel sorry for music because, although it is the international language, it has no swear words.
BILLY CONNOLLYDon’t vote, it only encourages them.
More Billy Connolly Quotes
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The only time I would like to see was the 20s and 30s in America because I love the music and the style and the optimism, I wanted to see New York being built. I wanted to see all that, you know.
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I don’t know why I should have to learn Algebra… I’m never likely to go there.
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I set out to be a cross between Lenny Bruce and Robert the Bruce – my main thrust was the body and its functions and malfunctions – the absurdity of the thing.
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I’m a big fan of the Mars Bar Diet. You don’t eat the Mars bar, you stick it up your arse and let a rottweiler chase you home.
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People who announce they are going to the toilet. Thanks that’s an image I really didn’t need.
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I used to be a folk singer, but I was… dreadful. I had a voice like a goose farting in the fog.
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Revolution was written into the U.S. Constitution so it’s like they’re in a constant state of revolution. But then again, happiness is written into their constitution as well, which makes them pretty unique.
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Fame is being asked to sign your autograph on the back of a cigarette packet.
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Oh aye…my Father would thrash me every now and then. He’d talk while he did it too! He’d hit me and shout, ‘Have ye had enough?’ Had enough? Whit kind of question is that? ‘Why, Father, would another kick in the balls be out of the question???’
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I set out to be a cross between Lenny Bruce and Robert the Bruce.
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It’s my mind, and I reserve the right to change it as often as I like.
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The great thing about Glasgow is that if there’s a nuclear attack it’ll look exactly the same afterwards.
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When people say “it’s always the last place you look”. Of course it is. Why would you keep looking after you’ve found it?
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I’ve never done a comedy club in my life. It’s weird because I don’t have the same background as most comics. I don’t have a history of going up and only doing eight minutes.
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Life is supposed to be fun. It’s not a job or occupation. We’re here only once and we should have a bit of a laugh.
BILLY CONNOLLY