Never trust people who’ve only got one book.
BILLY CONNOLLYDon’t vote, it only encourages them.
More Billy Connolly Quotes
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I don’t believe in angels, no. But I do have a wee parking angel. It’s on my dashboard and you wind it up. The wings flap and it’s supposed to give you a parking space. It’s worked so far.
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I’m a citizen of the world. I like it that way. The world’s a wonderful. I just think that some people are pretty badly represented. But when you speak to the people themselves they’re delightful. They all want so little.
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I love Los Angeles. It reinvents itself every two days.
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It’s my mind, and I reserve the right to change it as often as I like.
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Don’t buy one of those baby intercoms. Babies pretend to be dead. They’re bastards, and they do it on purpose.
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The human race has been set up. Someone, somewhere, is playing a practical joke on us. Apparently, women need to feel loved to have sex. Men need to have sex to feel loved. How do we ever get started.
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The only time I would like to see was the 20s and 30s in America because I love the music and the style and the optimism, I wanted to see New York being built. I wanted to see all that, you know.
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Tread gently on anyone who looks at you sideways.
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I used to have Mad Cow’s disease, but I’m alright Nooooooooow.
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If I had a hammer, there’d be no more folksingers.
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Did your mother never tell you not to drink on an empty head?
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The religion in Scotland is one of the most patronising things… after the weather.
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I decided to stop drinking while it was still my idea.
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When you involved in an accident and someone asks “are you alright?” Yes fine thanks, I’ll just pick up my limbs and be off.
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Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit.
BILLY CONNOLLY