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For me, it’s about the desire to win. My audience becomes a crowd of wild animals and I have to be the lion-tamer or be eaten.

Billy Connolly

Politically correct is the language of cowardice.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Cowardice Language Politically Correct
I used to have Mad Cow’s disease, but I’m alright Nooooooooow.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Alright Disease Humorous Mad
There’s a fine line you have to tread because you don’t know who is out there in the auditorium. A lot of people are too easily offended.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Auditorium Fine Line Offened Tread
The religion in Scotland is one of the most patronising things… after the weather.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Country Patronishing Region Weather
People die all the time. It’s just that you’re not around.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Around Dies Normal People
I’m a huge film star… but you have to hurry to the movies, because I usually die in the first 15 f–ing minutes. I’m the only guy I know who died in a f–ing Muppet movie.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Firsts Guy Minute Movie Stars
There’s one of a figure with two heads that somebody thought must be a comment on the state of matrimony. None of it is a comment on anything.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Anything Comment Figure Matrimony
Life is supposed to be fun. It’s not a job or occupation. We’re here only once and we should have a bit of a laugh.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Bit Fun Jobs Laugh Occupation
My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Funny Lone Music Witty
Paddy was in the delivery room when the midwife handed him a black baby. “Is this yours?” she asked “probably” said Paddy “she burns everything else”
BILLY CONNOLLY

Baby Delivery Funny Humor Paddy Probably
I hate those earnest TV documentaries that are the world according to people with glasses who know better than you.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Documentaries Glasses Hate People
My advice to you, if you want to lose a bit of weight: don’t eat anything that comes in a bucket. Buckets are the kitchen utensils of the farmyard.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Advice Buckets Kitchen Utensils
didn’t even know there were specialist zombie magazines and clubs. I heard the other day that a radio station had asked people if they`d made preparations for an attack by zombies, and a staggering number of people replied yes!
BILLY CONNOLLY

Club Magazines Number People Radio Station
Whenever I wear something expensive it looks stolen.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Expensive Looks Stolen
If I had a hammer, there’d be no more folksingers.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Hammers More
I don’t have wild dogs chasing people with scripts away from my door. I get my share. I’ve done okay. But I usually do independent stuff because that’s mostly what I’m offered.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Dog Doors Independent Stuff

For me, it’s about the desire to win. My audience becomes a crowd of wild animals and I have to be the lion-tamer or be eaten.

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For me, it’s about the desire to win. My audience becomes a crowd of wild animals and I have to be the lion-tamer or be eaten.

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Popular Authors

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