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You can always tell when Obama’s negotiations with the Republicans are winding down, because he’s missing his watch and his lunch money.

Bill Maher

The Dalai Lama visited the White House and told the President that he could teach him to find a higher state of consciousness. Then after talking to Bush for a few minutes, he said, ‘You know what? Let’s just grab lunch.’
BILL MAHER

Food Home President Teaching Time Visit White Yourself
We don’t really have to make fun of religion – it makes fun of itself.
BILL MAHER

Fun Joke Religion
False hope really makes you cynical.
BILL MAHER

Fake Feeling Hope Yourself
The difference between the three Abrahamic religions: Christianity – mumbling to the ceiling, Judaism – mumbling to the wall, Islam – mumbling to the floor.
BILL MAHER

Difference Religion Talk Voice
If it weren’t for acid, you might not have an IPod, and you definitely would not have some of the best music in your IPod.
BILL MAHER

Best Music Technology Yourself
In this country your guilty until proven wealthy.
BILL MAHER

Country Guilty Wealth Yourself
You can always tell when Obama’s negotiations with the Republicans are winding down, because he’s missing his watch and his lunch money.
BILL MAHER

Himself Missing Money Negotiation Yourself
What is it with conservatives? Seriously, I’m not trying to be partisan but it seems like if they’re anti-illegal alien, they have illegal aliens working for them. If they’re anti-gay, they turn out to be gay. If they’re super Christian, they’re a witch.
BILL MAHER

Conservative Illegal Myself Serious Sexuality Work
One of the advantages of atheism is takes so little of your time.
BILL MAHER

Advantage Atheist Time Yourself
Let’s make a law that gay people can have birthdays, but straight people get more cake – you know, to send the right message to kids.
BILL MAHER

Children Law Message People Right Straight
God knows life sucks. It’s right there in the Bible. The book of Job is all about Job asking God to take away pain and misery. And God says, “I can’t take away pain and misery because then no one would talk to me.”
BILL MAHER

God Life Misery Myself Pain Talk Terrible
Sex is too easy for women to get, and too hard for men. I mean, honestly, for a man to walk into someplace and have every woman ready to take him home, he’d have to rule the world. A woman would have to do her hair.
BILL MAHER

Easy Hairs Herself Home Sex Woman World
If Jesus was a Jew, why did he have a Spanish name?
BILL MAHER

Identity Name Nature Origin
Now people want Brian Williams to resign, but it could have a happy ending. Apparently what he said was such a blatant departure from the truth, today he got an offer from Fox News.
BILL MAHER

End Happy News Offering People William
Jim Bakker spells his name with two k’s because three would be too obvious.
BILL MAHER

Himself Name Obvious
The true axis of evil in America is the brilliance of our marketing combined with the stupidity of our people.
BILL MAHER

Brilliant Ourselves People Stupidity True

You can always tell when Obama’s negotiations with the Republicans are winding down, because he’s missing his watch and his lunch money.

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You can always tell when Obama’s negotiations with the Republicans are winding down, because he’s missing his watch and his lunch money.

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