Anyone who tells you that they know, they just know what happens when you die, I promise you, you dont. How can I be so sure? Because I dont know and you do not possess mental powers that I do not.
BILL MAHERYou can always tell when Obama’s negotiations with the Republicans are winding down, because he’s missing his watch and his lunch money.
More Bill Maher Quotes
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Trusting the government to monitor your calls without listening. It’s kind of like trusting Chris Christie to pick up the McDonald’s and not eat the fries on the way home.
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I feel like I’m wearing orthopedic shoes, because I stand corrected.
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What I believe in is love your neighbor as yourself and don’t call him stupid because they don’t agree with you politically.
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When opportunity knocks all some people can do is complain about the noise.
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I have always defined political correctness as an elevation of sensitivity over truth.
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Religion, it stops people from thinking because they think all the answers are in that one book; it impedes progress; it justifies crazy people. Flying planes into a building was a faith-based initiative.
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Idiots must stop claiming that atheism is a religion. Religion is defined as the belief in and worship of a superhuman controlling power. And atheism is… precisely not that. Atheism is a religion like abstinence is a sex position.
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Hollywood isn’t your cesspool, America. It’s your mirror.
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Just honest. To me, being ‘politically incorrect’ means the opposite of being political — which means to spin everything. That’s all it’s ever meant to me. It’s never meant liberal or conservative. It means honest.
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Religion, to me, is a bureaucracy between man and God that I don’t need.
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The reason I love my dog so much is because when I come home, he’s the only one in the world who treats me like I’m the Beatles.
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You know, there is a name for people who are always wrong about everything all the time, husband!!!
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The church has historically been very slow to embrace technology. Until very recently, their idea of a laptop was an altar boy.
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If it weren’t for acid, you might not have an IPod, and you definitely would not have some of the best music in your IPod.
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Based on every statement I’ve heard out of any Republican in the last two years, the Israelis are controlling our government.
BILL MAHER