Men are only as loyal as their options.
BILL MAHERMen are only as loyal as their options.
BILL MAHERAmerica is like a dog. I’m sorry, but it is. It cannot understand actual words. It understands inflection. It understands fear. But you can’t actually explain issues to a dog.
BILL MAHERIf you want to get rich with a tax free enterprise that sells nothing, start a church.
BILL MAHERThe First Amendment was specifically designed for citizens to insult politicians. Libel laws were written to protect law students speaking out on political issues from getting called whores by Oxycontin addicts.
BILL MAHEREverything that used to be a sin is now a disease.
BILL MAHERI think flying planes into a building was a faith-based initiative. I think religion is a neurological disorder.
BILL MAHERIf it weren’t for acid, you might not have an IPod, and you definitely would not have some of the best music in your IPod.
BILL MAHERNinety percent of people support background checks. Which means even people who can’t pass a background check support background checks.
BILL MAHERYou can always tell when Obama’s negotiations with the Republicans are winding down, because he’s missing his watch and his lunch money.
BILL MAHERJust honest. To me, being ‘politically incorrect’ means the opposite of being political — which means to spin everything. That’s all it’s ever meant to me. It’s never meant liberal or conservative. It means honest.
BILL MAHERAgain, (America is) a stupid country with stupid people who don’t pay attention.
BILL MAHERIn America, you’re allowed to justify almost any kind of bigotry, sexism, or intolerance if you source it to God’s big book of bad ideas.
BILL MAHERHot women have to stop putting long paragraphs of text on their bodies. I know you think it’s sexy but one thing that men never think is, “Gee, you know what would make this sex better? Having something to read.”
BILL MAHERI don’t know anyone less Jesus like than Christians.
BILL MAHERSex is too easy for women to get, and too hard for men. I mean, honestly, for a man to walk into someplace and have every woman ready to take him home, he’d have to rule the world. A woman would have to do her hair.
BILL MAHERIf Jesus was a Jew, why did he have a Spanish name?
BILL MAHER