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The idea that men are from Mars and women are from Venus is a bunch of bullshit. Treat her like you would a friend, and you’ll wind up with a lover.

Bill Maher

Based on every statement I’ve heard out of any Republican in the last two years, the Israelis are controlling our government.
BILL MAHER

Control Government Myself Ourselves Statement
If it weren’t for acid, you might not have an IPod, and you definitely would not have some of the best music in your IPod.
BILL MAHER

Best Music Technology Yourself
In this country your guilty until proven wealthy.
BILL MAHER

Country Guilty Wealth Yourself
Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them.
BILL MAHER

Better Complain Man Start Taste Woman
Suicide is man’s way of telling God, ‘You can’t fire me – I quit.’
BILL MAHER

God Man Quit Suicide Way Yourself
It’s very hard not to be condescending when you’re explaining something to an idiot.
BILL MAHER

Explanation Hard Idiot Yourself
The church has historically been very slow to embrace technology. Until very recently, their idea of a laptop was an altar boy.
BILL MAHER

Boy Embrace History Ideas Low Slow Technology
We had a national tragedy this week, and the President of the United States and Sarah Palin both made speeches on the same day. Obama came out against lunatics with guns, she gave the rebuttal.
BILL MAHER

Day Herself Mad Nation Speech Tragedy Weapon
Don’t get so tolerant that you tolerate intolerance.
BILL MAHER

Injustice Tolerance Yourself
You can’t pray away global warming, and that’s the difference between religious people and sane people.
BILL MAHER

Difference People Prayer Religious Warm Yourself
I think flying planes into a building was a faith-based initiative. I think religion is a neurological disorder.
BILL MAHER

Disorder Faith Flying Initiative Plane Thinking
You can always tell when Obama’s negotiations with the Republicans are winding down, because he’s missing his watch and his lunch money.
BILL MAHER

Himself Missing Money Negotiation Yourself
What I believe in is love your neighbor as yourself and don’t call him stupid because they don’t agree with you politically.
BILL MAHER

Believe Love Myself Politics Stupidity
Atheism is a religion the way abstinence is a sex position.
BILL MAHER

Atheism Position Religion Sex
Let’s make a law that gay people can have birthdays, but straight people get more cake – you know, to send the right message to kids.
BILL MAHER

Children Law Message People Right Straight
Halloween is a day when we all get to fool people into thinking we’re someone else. Or as Mitt Romney calls it, campaigning.
BILL MAHER

Call Celebration Fake Fools Ourselves People

The idea that men are from Mars and women are from Venus is a bunch of bullshit. Treat her like you would a friend, and you’ll wind up with a lover.

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The idea that men are from Mars and women are from Venus is a bunch of bullshit. Treat her like you would a friend, and you’ll wind up with a lover.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

More Bill Maher Quotes