Only a Bush could answer a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ question two different ways and be wrong both times.
BILL MAHERThe cable TV sex channels don’t expand our horizons, don’t make us better people, and don’t come in clearly enough.
More Bill Maher Quotes
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Like it or not, we’re still a primitive tribe ruled by fears, superstition and misinformation.
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The thing I don’t understand about homosexuals is, how do they decide which one is the one who’s supposed to pretend they don’t want it?
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Death is nature’s way of killing you.
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In an average moral universal society, good people will try to do the right thing, and psychotic people will do wicked things. But if you want to make good people do wicked things, you need them to be religious.
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The plain fact is: religion must die for mankind to live.
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If conservatives get to call universal healthcare ‘socialized medicine,’ I get to call private, for-profit healthcare ‘soulless, vampire bastards making money off human pain.’
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During the Depression, or back when we were fighting Hitler, people didn’t have time to sue a company if the coffee was too hot. There were urgent, pressing problems. If you think you have it tough, read history books.
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Is it [hunting] really a sport if you have all the equipment and your opponent doesn’t know a game is going on?
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If it weren’t for acid, you might not have an IPod, and you definitely would not have some of the best music in your IPod.
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I’m for the death penalty, I’m pro-abortion, I’m pro-assisted suicide, I’m pro-regular suicide. Anything that’ll get the traffic moving.
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Don’t get so tolerant that you tolerate intolerance.
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I do think the patriotic thing to do is to critique my country. How else do you make a country better but by pointing out its flaws?
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At some point in the last 20 years, the left moved to the center, and the right moved into a mental institution.
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When you get people who are out of office, suddenly their tongues loosen up and suddenly they say the things that you wish they’d said or did when they were in office.
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It’s not getting any better for the American people. It seems to be getting worse. That’s predictable; education is a cycle. Stupidity breeds more stupidity.
BILL MAHER