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The cable TV sex channels don’t expand our horizons, don’t make us better people, and don’t come in clearly enough.

Bill Maher

Ninety percent of people support background checks. Which means even people who can’t pass a background check support background checks.
BILL MAHER

Check Funny People Support
What I believe in is love your neighbor as yourself and don’t call him stupid because they don’t agree with you politically.
BILL MAHER

Believe Love Myself Politics Stupidity
The church has historically been very slow to embrace technology. Until very recently, their idea of a laptop was an altar boy.
BILL MAHER

Boy Embrace History Ideas Low Slow Technology
I think capital punishment works great. Every killer you kill never kills again.
BILL MAHER

Capital Greatness Kill Punishment Work Yourself
When opportunity knocks all some people can do is complain about the noise.
BILL MAHER

Complain Noise Opportunity People
Things aren’t right. If a burglar breaks into your home and you shoot him, he can sue you. For what, restraint of trade?
BILL MAHER

Break Home Right Shoot Trade Yourself
Atheism is a religion the way abstinence is a sex position.
BILL MAHER

Atheism Position Religion Sex
If you believe Jesus ever had a good word for war or torture or tax cuts for the rich, or raping the earth, or refusing water to dying migrants, then you might as well believe bunnies lay painted eggs.
BILL MAHER

Believe Death Egg Goodness War
Maybe a president who didn’t believe our soldiers were going to heaven might be a little less willing to get them killed.
BILL MAHER

Believe Kill President Soldier Willing
I have a problem with people who take the Constitution loosely and the Bible literally.
BILL MAHER

Bible Constitution People Problem
The difference between the three Abrahamic religions: Christianity – mumbling to the ceiling, Judaism – mumbling to the wall, Islam – mumbling to the floor.
BILL MAHER

Difference Religion Talk Voice
If you have a few hundred followers and you let some of them molest children, they call you a cult leader. If you have a billion, they call you Pope.
BILL MAHER

Abuse Children Follower Leadership Yourself
Religion is insanity by consensus.
BILL MAHER

Consensus Religion Sanity
Talk to women who’ve ever dated an Arab man. The results are not good.
BILL MAHER

Arab Date Goodness Man Result Talk Woman
The cable TV sex channels don’t expand our horizons, don’t make us better people, and don’t come in clearly enough.
BILL MAHER

Channel Enough Expand Horizon Sex Yourself
Only a Bush could answer a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ question two different ways and be wrong both times.
BILL MAHER

Answer Dumb Question Time Wrong

The cable TV sex channels don’t expand our horizons, don’t make us better people, and don’t come in clearly enough.

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The cable TV sex channels don’t expand our horizons, don’t make us better people, and don’t come in clearly enough.

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Popular Authors

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