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The cable TV sex channels don’t expand our horizons, don’t make us better people, and don’t come in clearly enough.

Bill Maher

Beating Newt Gingrich in a popularity contest is like beating Stephen Hawking in ‘Dancing with the Stars.’
BILL MAHER

Dance Popular Stardom
Hot women have to stop putting long paragraphs of text on their bodies. I know you think it’s sexy but one thing that men never think is, “Gee, you know what would make this sex better? Having something to read.”
BILL MAHER

Hot Man Reading Stop Thinking Woman World
The idea that men are from Mars and women are from Venus is a bunch of bullshit. Treat her like you would a friend, and you’ll wind up with a lover.
BILL MAHER

Friendship Ideas Lover Man Treat Woman Yourself
Atheism is a religion the way abstinence is a sex position.
BILL MAHER

Atheism Position Religion Sex
Religion is insanity by consensus.
BILL MAHER

Consensus Religion Sanity
Who takes care of their people better? FEMA or Hezbollah?
BILL MAHER

Better Care People
Trusting the government to monitor your calls without listening. It’s kind of like trusting Chris Christie to pick up the McDonald’s and not eat the fries on the way home.
BILL MAHER

Call Eat Fries Government Home Listening Trust Way
The First Amendment was specifically designed for citizens to insult politicians. Libel laws were written to protect law students speaking out on political issues from getting called whores by Oxycontin addicts.
BILL MAHER

Addiction Amendment Design Issues Myself Politics Specific
We had a national tragedy this week, and the President of the United States and Sarah Palin both made speeches on the same day. Obama came out against lunatics with guns, she gave the rebuttal.
BILL MAHER

Day Herself Mad Nation Speech Tragedy Weapon
The problem is that the people with the most ridiculous ideas are always the people who are most certain of them.
BILL MAHER

Certain Ideas People Problem
At some point in the last 20 years, the left moved to the center, and the right moved into a mental institution.
BILL MAHER

Institution Mental Move Point Time
Here’s the thing about Donald Trump: He never apologizes. He’s never wrong, no matter what crazy thing he says. He’s totally – he’s the white Kanye.
BILL MAHER

Apology Crazy Himself Identity Wrong
Religion, to me, is a bureaucracy between man and God that I don’t need.
BILL MAHER

God Man Myself Need Religion
If you think you have it tough, read history books.
BILL MAHER

Book History Reading Thinking Tough Yourself
God knows life sucks. It’s right there in the Bible. The book of Job is all about Job asking God to take away pain and misery. And God says, “I can’t take away pain and misery because then no one would talk to me.”
BILL MAHER

God Life Misery Myself Pain Talk Terrible
The true axis of evil in America is the brilliance of our marketing combined with the stupidity of our people.
BILL MAHER

Brilliant Ourselves People Stupidity True

The cable TV sex channels don’t expand our horizons, don’t make us better people, and don’t come in clearly enough.

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The cable TV sex channels don’t expand our horizons, don’t make us better people, and don’t come in clearly enough.

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Popular Authors

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