You can always tell when Obama’s negotiations with the Republicans are winding down, because he’s missing his watch and his lunch money.
BILL MAHERThe cable TV sex channels don’t expand our horizons, don’t make us better people, and don’t come in clearly enough.
More Bill Maher Quotes
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There is no debate here, just scientists and non-scientists. And since the subject is science, the non-scientists don’t get a vote.
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You know, there is a name for people who are always wrong about everything all the time, husband!!!
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Halloween is a day when we all get to fool people into thinking we’re someone else. Or as Mitt Romney calls it, campaigning.
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Don’t get so tolerant that you tolerate intolerance.
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Things aren’t right. If a burglar breaks into your home and you shoot him, he can sue you. For what, restraint of trade?
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Our mistakes from the past are just that: mistakes. And they were necessary to make in order to become the wiser person we became.
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Here’s the thing about Donald Trump: He never apologizes. He’s never wrong, no matter what crazy thing he says. He’s totally – he’s the white Kanye.
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You want to spend your millions on a worthless cause? Try donating it to the Democrats.
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If you want to get rich with a tax free enterprise that sells nothing, start a church.
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Just honest. To me, being ‘politically incorrect’ means the opposite of being political — which means to spin everything. That’s all it’s ever meant to me. It’s never meant liberal or conservative. It means honest.
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A new cologne is coming out. It’s for cowboys, and it’s made from cow’s manure. That way the women will be on you like flies!
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The idea that men are from Mars and women are from Venus is a bunch of bullshit. Treat her like you would a friend, and you’ll wind up with a lover.
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During the Depression, or back when we were fighting Hitler, people didn’t have time to sue a company if the coffee was too hot. There were urgent, pressing problems. If you think you have it tough, read history books.
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Like it or not, we’re still a primitive tribe ruled by fears, superstition and misinformation.
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To most Christians, the Bible is like a software license. Nobody actually reads it. They just scroll to the bottom and click ‘I Agree’.
BILL MAHER