Hot women have to stop putting long paragraphs of text on their bodies. I know you think it’s sexy but one thing that men never think is, “Gee, you know what would make this sex better? Having something to read.”
BILL MAHERTo those people who say, ‘My father is alive because of animal experimentation,’ I say, ‘Yeah, well, good for you. This dog died so your father could live.’ Sorry, but I am just not behind that kind of trade-off.
More Bill Maher Quotes
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I think what’s dangerous is the idea that someone can wash away your sins.
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The Drug War is an addiction, really.
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Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them.
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Here’s the thing about Donald Trump: He never apologizes. He’s never wrong, no matter what crazy thing he says. He’s totally – he’s the white Kanye.
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I feel like I’m wearing orthopedic shoes, because I stand corrected.
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Only a Bush could answer a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ question two different ways and be wrong both times.
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The true axis of evil in America is the brilliance of our marketing combined with the stupidity of our people.
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Religion, it stops people from thinking because they think all the answers are in that one book; it impedes progress; it justifies crazy people. Flying planes into a building was a faith-based initiative.
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Can we go back to using Facebook for what it was originally for – looking up exes to see how fat they got?
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It’s very hard not to be condescending when you’re explaining something to an idiot.
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Trusting the government to monitor your calls without listening. It’s kind of like trusting Chris Christie to pick up the McDonald’s and not eat the fries on the way home.
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Curious people are interesting people, I wonder why that is.
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Religion, to me, is a bureaucracy between man and God that I don’t need.
BILL MAHER -
Jim Bakker spells his name with two k’s because three would be too obvious.
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People have to stop saying that just because someone is an anti-gay activist they might be gay. They’re DEFINITELY GAY!!
BILL MAHER