Talk to women who’ve ever dated an Arab man. The results are not good.
BILL MAHERIf Jesus was a Jew, why did he have a Spanish name?
More Bill Maher Quotes
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Jim Bakker spells his name with two k’s because three would be too obvious.
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The Dalai Lama visited the White House and told the President that he could teach him to find a higher state of consciousness. Then after talking to Bush for a few minutes, he said, ‘You know what? Let’s just grab lunch.’
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When you get people who are out of office, suddenly their tongues loosen up and suddenly they say the things that you wish they’d said or did when they were in office.
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You know, there is a name for people who are always wrong about everything all the time, husband!!!
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When opportunity knocks all some people can do is complain about the noise.
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Little do women know what big ideas I have in my pants.
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When I see the toothless guy, as a liberal, what I say is, ‘I want to help you get teeth.’ Why does that make me an a**hole?
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False hope really makes you cynical.
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I think capital punishment works great. Every killer you kill never kills again.
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Idiots must stop claiming that atheism is a religion. Religion is defined as the belief in and worship of a superhuman controlling power. And atheism is… precisely not that. Atheism is a religion like abstinence is a sex position.
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We don’t really have to make fun of religion – it makes fun of itself.
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There’s a phrase we live by in America: “In God We Trust”. It’s right there where Jesus would want it: on our money.
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Can we go back to using Facebook for what it was originally for – looking up exes to see how fat they got?
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The whole dating ritual was different when I was a kid. Girls got pinned, not nailed.
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If Jesus was a Jew, why did he have a Spanish name?
BILL MAHER






