What does an atheist scream when they come?
BILL HICKSYou ever noticed how people who believe in Creationism look really un-evolved? You ever noticed that? Eyes real close together, eyebrow ridges, big furry hands and feet. “I believe God created me in one day”. Yeah, looks like He rushed it
More Bill Hicks Quotes
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No, I don’t do drugs anymore, either. But I’ll tell you something about drugs. I used to do drugs, but I’ll tell you something honestly about drugs, honestly, and I know it’s not a very popular idea, you don’t hear it very often anymore, but it is the truth,
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I believe that there is an equality to all humanity. We all suck.
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No one can give you any answers. There aren’t any. You have to discover for yourself-you must learn to navigate the mystery.
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Just one thing I know for sure, chicks dig jerks.
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I’m not into those kind of rivalries. I remember standing out in front of Stratford, minding my own business. Carload of about eighty kids would pull up.
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BTW A 24 week old embryo is not a human being. You’re not a human being until you’re in my phone book.
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And on the seventh day, god stepped back and said and said, “This is my creation, perfect in every way… oh, dammit I left all this pot all over the place. Now they’ll think I want them to smoke it… Now I have to create Republicans.”
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Oh my God. Lift me up out of this illusion, Lord. Heal my perception that I might know only reality and only you.
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Do I have a message? Yes, I do. Here’s my message: as scary as the world is – and it is – it is merely a ride …
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I never got along with my dad. Kids used to come up to me and say, ‘My dad can beat up your dad.’ I’d say ‘Yeah? When?’
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People say to me, Hey, Bill, the war made us feel better about ourselves. Really? What kind of people are these with such low self-esteem that they need a war to feel better about themselves?
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What before seemed a…frustrating wall, the comic deftly and fearlessly steps through, proving the absurdity of it all.
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I’ll tell you how to solve this abortion thing…Those unwanted babies…? Leave about 12 of them on the Supreme Court steps.
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Good comedy helps people know they’re not alone. Great comedy provides an answer.
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Dinosaur fossils were placed in rocks by prankster God just to make human beings think the world is older than it is.
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Folks, it’s time to evolve. That’s why we’re troubled. You know why our institutions are failing us, the church, the state, everything’s failing? It’s because, um – they’re no longer relevant. We’re supposed to keep evolving. Evolution did not end with us growing opposable thumbs. You do know that, right?
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To me pornography is…spending all your money and not educating the people in America, but spending it instead on weapons.
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When two or more people agree on an issue, I form on the other side.
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I believe that God left certain drugs growing naturally upon our planet to help speed up and facilitate our evolution.
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Music is a great energizer. It’s a language everybody knows.
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It’s my object to be stared at like a dog that’s just been shown a card trick.
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How do I know the Bible isn’t the word of God? Well if it was the word of God it would be clear and easy to understand…considering God was the creator of LANGUAGE!
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The CIA has a plot…they’ve used before to get rid of world leaders. Only problem…is convincing Hussein…to fly to Dallas.
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I figure, if he could overcome being nailed to a cross, I don’t think a Marlboro Light’s gonna faze him that much.
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They believe the bible is the exact word of God – Then they change the bible! Pretty presumptuous, hu huh? “I think what God meant to say…”
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I’m just skin covering coffee and some real nervous teeth.
BILL HICKS