“Pornography is any act that has no artistic merit and causes sexual thoughts…Sounds like almost every commercial on TV to me.”

Pot is a better drug than alcohol. I’ll prove it to you. You’re at a ball game or a concert, and someone’s really violent and agressive and obnoxious, are they drunk or are they smoking pot?

All your beliefs, they’re just that. They’re nothing. They’re how you were taught and raised. That doesn’t make ’em real.

God has this…hobby. He creates perfection. This world is not perfect. We have to learn to separate illusions from reality.

Are gun rights advocates arguing that roving gangs…shooting innocent bystanders constitutes a ‘well-regulated militia’?

I was in a cab in New York. The cab had a sign, “Please do not smoke, Christ is our unseen guest.” This guy was reaching.

I love talking about Kennedy assassination…a great archetypal example of how totalitarian government…sorry, wrong meeting.

I used to drink, I did, I had to quit. Man, I was an embarrassing drunk. I’d get pulled over by the cops, I’d be so drunk I’d be out dancing to their lights thinking I’d made it to another club.

See we just had a misunderstanding. I thought we lived in the U.S. of A., the United States of America. But actually we live in the U.S. of A., the United States of Advertising. Freedom of expression is guaranteed? If you’ve got the money!

I get a kick out of being an outsider constantly. It allows me to be creative.

You think when Jesus comes back, he really wants to see a cross? That’s like going up to Jackie Onassis with a rifle pendant on.

England, where no one has guns: 14 deaths. United States…23,000 deaths from handguns. But – there’s no connection.

The Voice of Reason is in us all…and everyone can recognize it because it makes sense and everyone benefits from it equally.

Don’t worry; don’t be afraid, ever, because this is just a ride.

The economy that’s fake anyway! Ha ha ha! Which would be a real bummer. You know. You can see why the government’s cracking down… on the idea of experiencing unconditional love, ah.

Dinosaur fossils were placed in rocks by prankster God just to make human beings think the world is older than it is.

Nicotine patches are great. Stick one over each eye and you can’t find your fags.

To be ‘intellectual’ or ‘artistic’ or, in their own word, to be ‘highbrow,’ is to be priggish and of dubious virtue.

We recommend for the training of teachers not only a considerable artistic education in general but special attention to the art of reading.

Any artist should be grateful for a naive grace which puts him beyond the need to reason elaborately.

There can be no ‘graduated exercises in drawing’ leading up to an artistic creation. That goal can be attained only through the development of mechanical technique and through the freedom of the spirit.

Woodstock had a tremendous impact on American artistic life.

Very few people possess true artistic ability. It is therefore both unseemly and unproductive to irritate the situation by making an effort.

That’s the fine balance of a fiction writer…to be able to give your characters enough freedom to surprise you and yet still maintain some kind of artistic control.

We don’t fight about music. We don’t fight about artistic direction.