But where did this veneration of childbirth come from? I missed that meeting. Childbirth is wonderful, childbirth is a miracle. Wrong. It’s no more a miracle than eating food and a turd coming out your ass.
BILL HICKSYou ever seen somebody do that? I’ve seen someone do that. Let me tell you something – if you’re smoking out of a hole in your neck [mimics it again] I’d think about quitting. And that’s just me, ya know.
More Bill Hicks Quotes
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I do not believe making money in order to consume goods is mankind’s sole purpose on this planet.
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I am a misanthropic humanist… Do I like people? They’re great, IN THEORY.
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Go back to bed America, your government is in control again. Go back to bed America… you are free to do as we tell you… you are free to do as we tell you.
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How do I know the Bible isn’t the word of God? Well if it was the word of God it would be clear and easy to understand…considering God was the creator of LANGUAGE!
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Children are smarter than any of us. Know how I know that? I don’t know one child with a full time job and children.
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Life is only a dream, and we are the imagination of ourselves.
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We’ll see who believes in me now. I am the Prankster God – I am killing me!
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When two or more people agree on an issue, I form on the other side.
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Marijuana grows naturally…Don’t you think making nature against the law seems a bit, I don’t know, unnatural?
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You’re not a human till you’re in my phone book. There. My hat is now in the political ring.
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Our next Cold War ought to be with ourselves…After all, who poses the biggest danger to the American environment? We do.
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I got this big fear of doing smoking jokes in my act and showing up five years from now goin’ [puts mic to his neck and speaks as if he had a mechanical larynx] ‘good evening everybody, remember me, smoking’s bad. [puts cigarette to neck and mimics smoking it] Eeww.
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Childbirth is no more a miracle then eating food and a turd coming out of your ass.
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Now I wonder why we’re f-ked up as a race. I’ve read the Bible. I can’t find the word “bunny” or “chocolate” anywhere in the f-king book.
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To make marijuana against the law is like saying God made a big mistake.
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You know, when I see those two twins on that Doublemint commercial? I’m not thinking of gum. I am thinking of chewing, so maybe that’s the connection they’re trying to make.
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Just a simple choice, right now, between fear and love. The eyes of fear want you to put bigger locks on your doors, buy guns, close yourself off. The eyes of love instead see all of us as one.
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England, where no one has guns: 14 deaths. United States…23,000 deaths from handguns. But – there’s no connection.
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not all drugs are good.. some of them are great
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It’s my object to be stared at like a dog that’s just been shown a card trick.
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If you don’t think drugs have done good things for us, then take all of your records, tapes and CD’s and burn them.
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Why is marijuana against the law? It grows naturally on our planet, serves a thousand different functions, all of them positive. To make marijuana against the law is like saying that God made a mistake.
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Nicotine patches are great. Stick one over each eye and you can’t find your fags.
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We really are All One….this is the very philosophy that has kept me virtually anonymous in America for fifteen years.
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You know what I hate about working? Bosses…The very idea that ANYONE could be my boss, well…I think you see the conflict.
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Pornography is any act that has no artistic merit and causes sexual thoughts…Sounds like almost every commercial on TV to me.
BILL HICKS