“Just a simple choice, right now, between fear and love. The eyes of fear want you to put bigger locks on your doors, buy guns, close yourself off. The eyes of love instead see all of us as one.”

We’ll never die, and all our dreams come true the instant that we have them. And Eve said, Yeah… it’s just not enough is it?

The attitude of unhappiness is not only painful, it is mean and ugly.

We killed 6 innocent people, launching 22, I think $3 million apiece missiles on Baghdad…that’s a little bit overdoing it.

If you meet somebody who says he or she has never dreamed of flying, I don’t believe you. I mean, they’re lying.

On the theft of his material by Denis Leary: “I have a scoop for you. I stole his act. I camouflaged it with punchlines, and to really throw people off, I did it before he did.”

I’m not the Carter who’ll never tell a lie.

Pot is a better drug than alcohol. I’ll prove it to you. You’re at a ball game or a concert, and someone’s really violent and agressive and obnoxious, are they drunk or are they smoking pot?

All your beliefs, they’re just that. They’re nothing. They’re how you were taught and raised. That doesn’t make ’em real.

God has this…hobby. He creates perfection. This world is not perfect. We have to learn to separate illusions from reality.

Are gun rights advocates arguing that roving gangs…shooting innocent bystanders constitutes a ‘well-regulated militia’?

I was in a cab in New York. The cab had a sign, “Please do not smoke, Christ is our unseen guest.” This guy was reaching.

I love talking about Kennedy assassination…a great archetypal example of how totalitarian government…sorry, wrong meeting.

I used to drink, I did, I had to quit. Man, I was an embarrassing drunk. I’d get pulled over by the cops, I’d be so drunk I’d be out dancing to their lights thinking I’d made it to another club.

See we just had a misunderstanding. I thought we lived in the U.S. of A., the United States of America. But actually we live in the U.S. of A., the United States of Advertising. Freedom of expression is guaranteed? If you’ve got the money!

I get a kick out of being an outsider constantly. It allows me to be creative.

You think when Jesus comes back, he really wants to see a cross? That’s like going up to Jackie Onassis with a rifle pendant on.

Every day I watched how a bare metal frame, rolling down the line would come off the other end, a spanking brand new car.

I had no idea of being a star, all I knew was that I wanted to be a great actress, I wanted to work as an actress. So I thought the way I would be a great actress was to sing and dance first.

I was never the girl next door.

The doors of the world are opened to people who can read.

Knowledge is the key that unlocks all the doors. You can be green-skinned with yellow polka dots and come from Mars, but if you have knowledge that people need, instead of beating you, they’ll beat a path to your door.

God has opened many doors of opportunity throughout my lifetime, but I believe the greatest of those doors was allowing me to be born in the United States of America.

There’s no such thing as useless knowledge. You never know what doors it’s going to open up for you.

I always pray for God’s guidance in my life and he always provides it. He opens the right doors he shuts the right doors. And I have tremendous faith in him. He just guided my career in an amazing way.