I don’t do drugs anymore… than, say, the average touring funk band.
BILL HICKSAt least he f-kin’ jams! If it’s a choice between eternal Hell and good tunes, and eternal Heaven and New Kids on the f-kin’ Block … I’m gonna be surfin’ on the lake of fire, rockin’ out.
More Bill Hicks Quotes
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The best kind of comedy to me is when you make people laugh at things they’ve never laughed at, and also take a light into the darkened corners of people’s minds, exposing them to the light.
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Supreme Court says pornography is anything without artistic merit that causes sexual thoughts, that’s their definition, essentially. No artistic merit, causes sexual thoughts. Hmm… Sounds like… every commercial on television, doesn’t it?
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People in the U.K. share my bemusement with the United States that America doesn’t share with itself. They have a sense of irony, which America doesn’t have, seeing as it’s being run by fundamentalists who take things literally.
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See we just had a misunderstanding. I thought we lived in the U.S. of A., the United States of America. But actually we live in the U.S. of A., the United States of Advertising. Freedom of expression is guaranteed? If you’ve got the money!
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Speaking of Satan, I was watching Rush Limbaugh the other day.
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I go to dance clubs…about once a year just to justify the other 364 days I spend in my apartment going ‘God, what idiots!’
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Jesus-murdered. Martin Luther King-murdered. Gandhi-murdered. Malcolm X-murdered. Reagan-wounded.
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…love rather than fear…this radical philosophy is coming from me, an avowed misanthrope…surely there is hope for us all.
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Listen, the next revolution is gonna be a revolution of ideas.
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I believe that there is an equality to all humanity. We all suck.
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God has this…hobby. He creates perfection. This world is not perfect. We have to learn to separate illusions from reality.
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It’s all about money, not freedom. If you think you’re free, try going somewhere without money, okay?
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I don’t know what you all believe, and I don’t really care … but you have to admit that beliefs are odd. Lots of Christians wear crosses around their necks … you really think when Jesus comes back, he ever wants to see a fucking cross?
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The Voice of Reason is in us all…and everyone can recognize it because it makes sense and everyone benefits from it equally.
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Life is only a dream, and we are the imagination of ourselves.
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So, it’s good to be here, wherever I am.
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What did moths bump into before the electric light bulb was invented? Boy, the lightbulb really screwed the moth up didn’t it? Are there moths on their way to the sun now going, It’s gonna be worth it!.
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I smoke. If this bothers anyone, I suggest you look around at the world in which we live and shut your f-kin’ mouth.
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I believe it is our own misperceptions of who we really are that leads to every self-created hell you’ll find in this world.
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I believe that God left certain drugs growing naturally upon our planet to help speed up and facilitate our evolution. OK, not the most popular idea ever expressed. Either that or you’re all real high and agreeing with me in the only way you can right now. (Starts blinking)
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Truly, the only stupid people I’ve ever met, the most absolutely clueless, are the very people that produce television.
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Don’t worry; don’t be afraid, ever, because this is just a ride.
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In the beginning God created the heavans and the earth… see you at the final.
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Dinosaur fossils were placed in rocks by prankster God just to make human beings think the world is older than it is.
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Shut up! Go back to bed, America. Your government is in control. Here’s Love Connection. Watch this and get fat and stupid.
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I don’t identify with anyone historically, but there are several people in the future who I am a dead ringer for.
BILL HICKS