I go to dance clubs…about once a year just to justify the other 364 days I spend in my apartment going ‘God, what idiots!’
BILL HICKSAt least he f-kin’ jams! If it’s a choice between eternal Hell and good tunes, and eternal Heaven and New Kids on the f-kin’ Block … I’m gonna be surfin’ on the lake of fire, rockin’ out.
More Bill Hicks Quotes
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A Christian will say… “I believe God created me in one day” Yeah, looks liked He rushed it.
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What do you say we lighten things up and talk about abortion?
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England, where no one has guns: 14 deaths. United States…23,000 deaths from handguns. But – there’s no connection.
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I’m very tired of staring out into your vacant faces looking back at me. Wanting to fill your empty lives with humor you couldn’t possibly think of yourself… Good evening!
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Man, the Beatles were so high, they let Ringo sing a coupla tunes. Tell me they weren’t partyin’.
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You know what I hate about working? Bosses…The very idea that ANYONE could be my boss, well…I think you see the conflict.
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People always snap and think they’re Jesus. How come no one ever snaps and thinks they’re Buddha?
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Why is pot against the law? It wouldn’t be because anyone can grow it, and therefore you can’t make a profit off it, would it?
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What before seemed a…frustrating wall, the comic deftly and fearlessly steps through, proving the absurdity of it all.
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May I suggest, instead of a war to feel better about yourself, perhaps… sit-ups? Maybe a fruit cup? Eight glasses of water a day?
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I wouldn’t give Satan a snowball’s chance in Hell against a woman’s ego.
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Speaking of Satan, I was watching Rush Limbaugh the other day.
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You ever seen somebody do that? I’ve seen someone do that. Let me tell you something – if you’re smoking out of a hole in your neck [mimics it again] I’d think about quitting. And that’s just me, ya know.
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They believe the bible is the exact word of God – Then they change the bible! Pretty presumptuous, hu huh? “I think what God meant to say…”
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The eyes of fear want you to put bigger locks on your doors, buy guns, close yourself off. The eyes of love, instead, see all of us as one.
BILL HICKS