What’s gonna happen to the arms industry when we realize we’re all one. Ha ha ha ha ha! It’s gonna fuck up the economy!
BILL HICKSIt’s my object to be stared at like a dog that’s just been shown a card trick.
More Bill Hicks Quotes
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I do not believe making money in order to consume goods is mankind’s sole purpose on this planet.
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Ever notice that people who believe in creationism look really unevolved? Eyes real close together, big furry hands and feet. “I believe God created me in one day.” Yeah, looks like he rushed it.
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I believe we all have the Voice of Reason inside us…to gently lead us out of our own self-created hells.
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If ur going to have a war on drugs, have them against ALL drugs, including alcohol, the number one offender.
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I never got along with my dad. Kids used to come up to me and say, ‘My dad can beat up your dad.’ I’d say ‘Yeah? When?’
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I smoke to fill the potholes in my soul
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I love talking about the Kennedy assassination. The reason I do is because I’m fascinated by it. I’m fascinated that our government could lie to us so blatantly, so obviously for so long, and we do absolutely nothing about it.
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Any organization created out of fear must create fear to survive.
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I just have one of those faces. People come up to me and say, ‘What’s wrong?’ Nothing. ‘Well, it takes more energy to frown than it does to smile.’ Yeah, you know it takes more energy to point that out than it does to leave me alone?
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I smoke. If this bothers anyone, I suggest you look around at the world in which we live and shut your f-kin’ mouth.
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It’s always funny until someone gets hurt. Then it’s just hilarious.
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But where did this veneration of childbirth come from? I missed that meeting. Childbirth is wonderful, childbirth is a miracle. Wrong. It’s no more a miracle than eating food and a turd coming out your ass.
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I’m not into those kind of rivalries. I remember standing out in front of Stratford, minding my own business. Carload of about eighty kids would pull up.
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Keith Richards outlived Jim Fixx, the runner and health-nut dude. The plot thickens.
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I believe that there is an equality to all humanity. We all suck.
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People are bringing SHOTGUNS to UFO sightings…brings a whole new meaning to that phrase ‘You ain’t from around here, ar’ya?’
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This Bud’s for yooouuuu.” C’mon, everybody, let’s be hypocritical bastards. It’s okay to drink your drug. We meant those other drugs. Those untaxed drugs. Those are the ones that are bad for you.
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If you’re so pro-life, do me a favour: don’t lock arms and block medical clinics. If you’re so pro-life, lock arms and block cemeteries.
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Mushrooms grow on cow turds. I love that. I think that’s why you giggle the first hour.
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Shut up! Go back to bed, America. Your government is in control. Here’s Love Connection. Watch this and get fat and stupid.
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[Comedy] is an escape from illusions. The audience is…thinking, ‘This bullshit we see and hear all day makes no sense.’
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I’m glad mushrooms are against the law, because I took them one time, and you know what happened to me? I laid in a field of green grass for four hours going, “My God! I love everything.” Yeah, now if that isn’t a hazard to our country…
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I was a weekend drinker…I’d start on Saturday, end on Friday…thought I was controlling it…but I don’t drink any more.
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It’s an insane world, and I’m proud to be a part of it.
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I began working quite young, writing, growing, maturing, always striving to top myself – to make people laugh hard at things they know and believe deep in their hearts to be true.
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I don’t identify with anyone historically, but there are several people in the future who I am a dead ringer for.
BILL HICKS