“I was a weekend drinker…I’d start on Saturday, end on Friday…thought I was controlling it…but I don’t drink any more.”

We’re supposed to keep evolving. Evolution did not end with us growing opposable thumbs. You do know that, right?

…love rather than fear…this radical philosophy is coming from me, an avowed misanthrope…surely there is hope for us all.

What do you say we lighten things up and talk about abortion?

I began working quite young, writing, growing, maturing, always striving to top myself – to make people laugh hard at things they know and believe deep in their hearts to be true.

I believe that God left certain drugs growing naturally upon our planet to help speed up and facilitate our evolution. OK, not the most popular idea ever expressed. Either that or you’re all real high and agreeing with me in the only way you can right now. (Starts blinking)

I’ve had good times on drugs…bad times on drugs…But I’ve had good and bad relationships…and I’m not giving up pussy.

I don’t get along with anything, I really don’t…I’m, I’m, maybe I’m just a, you know, incredibly tasteful human being.

This is where we are at right now, as a whole. No one is left out of the loop. We are experiencing a reality based on a thin veneer of lies and illusions.

I’m an American who loves an America which doesn’t exist, which is a land of freedom and free ideas.

We really are All One….this is the very philosophy that has kept me virtually anonymous in America for fifteen years.

It’s my object to be stared at like a dog that’s just been shown a card trick.

In the beginning God created the heavans and the earth… see you at the final.

We are losing the ‘War on Drugs,’ which means there’s a war going on and people on drugs are winning it.

I guess what surprised me the most was the discrepancy in casualties: Iraq, one hundred fifty thousand casualties, USA: seventy-nine!

I smoke to fill the potholes in my soul

Listen, the next revolution is gonna be a revolution of ideas.

Note to self: no matter how bad life gets, there’s always beer.

As adults we try to relax from the never-ending quest for reason and order by drinking a little whiskey or smoking whatever works for us, but the wisdom isn’t in the whiskey or the smoke. The wisdom is in the moments when the madness slips away and we remember the basics.

As adults we try to relax from the never-ending quest for reason and order by drinking a little whiskey or smoking whatever works for us, but the wisdom isn’t in the whiskey or the smoke. The wisdom is in the moments when the madness slips away and we remember the basics.

People get bent out of shape about the fact that when I was a kid, you could not drink out of certain water fountains. Well, the water was the same.

There are more old drunks than there are old doctors.

I drink to the ones that can sit with their souls and not wish for sleep and the nightmares it brings.

I drink to the ones who can sit with their souls and not wish for sleep and the nightmares it brings.

I’m drinking doubles now that you’re running around single again.