“I believe we all have the Voice of Reason inside us…to gently lead us out of our own self-created hells.”

How come people always flip and think they’re Jesus? Why not Buddha? Particularly in America, where more people resemble Buddha than Jesus. ‘Ah’m BUDDHA!’ ‘You’re Bubba!’ ‘Ah’m Buddha now..All I gotta do is change 3 letters on ma belt.

I don’t know what you all believe, and I don’t really care … but you have to admit that beliefs are odd. Lots of Christians wear crosses around their necks … you really think when Jesus comes back, he ever wants to see a fucking cross?

No, I don’t do drugs anymore, either. But I’ll tell you something about drugs. I used to do drugs, but I’ll tell you something honestly about drugs, honestly, and I know it’s not a very popular idea, you don’t hear it very often anymore, but it is the truth,

When two or more people agree on an issue, I form on the other side.

People always snap and think they’re Jesus. How come no one ever snaps and thinks they’re Buddha?

Go back to bed America, your government is in control again. Go back to bed America… you are free to do as we tell you… you are free to do as we tell you.

I love talking about the Kennedy assasination. The reason I do is because I’m fascinated by it. I’m fascinated that our government could lie to us so blatantly, so obviously for so long, and we do absolutely nothing about it. I think that’s interesting in what is ostensibly a democracy.

Mushrooms grow on cow turds. I love that. I think that’s why you giggle the first hour.

A world where greed is our God and wisdom is sin, where division is key and unity is fantasy, where the ego-driven cleverness of the mind is praised, rather than the intelligence of the heart.

People in the U.K. share my bemusement with the United States that America doesn’t share with itself. They have a sense of irony, which America doesn’t have, seeing as it’s being run by fundamentalists who take things literally.

We’re supposed to keep evolving. Evolution did not end with us growing opposable thumbs. You do know that, right?

…love rather than fear…this radical philosophy is coming from me, an avowed misanthrope…surely there is hope for us all.

What do you say we lighten things up and talk about abortion?

I began working quite young, writing, growing, maturing, always striving to top myself – to make people laugh hard at things they know and believe deep in their hearts to be true.

I believe that God left certain drugs growing naturally upon our planet to help speed up and facilitate our evolution. OK, not the most popular idea ever expressed. Either that or you’re all real high and agreeing with me in the only way you can right now. (Starts blinking)

I’ve had good times on drugs…bad times on drugs…But I’ve had good and bad relationships…and I’m not giving up pussy.

There are moments when, like all of us, you get a bit self-conscious and you’d rather not be living any of your day in public. Those are the awkward times, but you’ve got to have fun with it.

It never ceases to amaze me how many of baseball’s wounds are self-inflicted.

Emotional abuse is like brainwashing in that it systematically wears away at the victim’s self-confidence, sense of self, trust in her perceptions and self-concept.

They are ruled by appeals to authority. Their self-image and sense of emotional well-being trumps any and all objective evidence to the contrary.

I believe it is our own misperceptions of who we really are that leads to every self-created hell you’ll find in this world.

Self awareness allows you to self-correct.

Every time feels like my first time. And I just find that the process of it feeds into one’s own self-obsession.

I felt at some point that I had nothing to lose, and [laughs] maybe I was wrong. I think, you know, there’s always these little autobiographical secrets behind things. I think I was really attacking my earlier self, and this kind of pretentious figure.