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I wouldn’t give Satan a snowball’s chance in Hell against a woman’s ego.

Bill Hicks

A Christian will say… “I believe God created me in one day” Yeah, looks liked He rushed it.
BILL HICKS

Believe Christian Day One
Isn’t that weird, we’ve made nature against the law. That’s how un-natural we’ve become.
BILL HICKS

Law Made Natural
If you don’t think drugs have done good things for us, then take all of your records, tapes and CD’s and burn them.
BILL HICKS

Burning Drugs Political Thinking
I believe it is our own misperceptions of who we really are that leads to every self-created hell you’ll find in this world.
BILL HICKS

Believe Created Self World
I guess what surprised me the most was the discrepancy in casualties: Iraq, one hundred fifty thousand casualties, USA: seventy-nine!
BILL HICKS

Country Mean Most Surprise
Nicotine patches are great. Stick one over each eye and you can’t find your fags.
BILL HICKS

Cigarette Smoke Eye Smoking
Your denial is beneath you, and thanks to the use of hallucinogenic drugs, I see through you.
BILL HICKS

Drug Funny Humor
And on the seventh day, god stepped back and said and said, “This is my creation, perfect in every way… oh, dammit I left all this pot all over the place. Now they’ll think I want them to smoke it… Now I have to create Republicans.”
BILL HICKS

Perfect Thinking Want
I just have one of those faces. People come up to me and say, ‘What’s wrong?’ Nothing. ‘Well, it takes more energy to frown than it does to smile.’ Yeah, you know it takes more energy to point that out than it does to leave me alone?
BILL HICKS

Alone Funny Humor Knowledge People
It is hard to quit smoking. Every one of them looks real good to me right about now. Every cigarette looks like it was made by God, rolled by Jesus and moistened shut with Claudia Schiffer’s pussy.
BILL HICKS

Good Jesus Real Smoking
Our next Cold War ought to be with ourselves…After all, who poses the biggest danger to the American environment? We do.
BILL HICKS

Cold Environment Next War
BTW A 24 week old embryo is not a human being. You’re not a human being until you’re in my phone book.
BILL HICKS

Book Phones Stupidity
What’s gonna happen to the arms industry when we realize we’re all one. Ha ha ha ha ha! It’s gonna fuck up the economy!
BILL HICKS

Arms Government Realizing
I’m not into those kind of rivalries. I remember standing out in front of Stratford, minding my own business. Carload of about eighty kids would pull up.
BILL HICKS

Business Kids Men Running
I’ve learned a lot about women. I think I’ve learned exactly how the fall of man occured in the Garden of Eden. Adam and Eve were in the Garden of Eden, and Adam said one day, Wow, Eve, here we are, at one with nature, at one with God, we’ll never age.
BILL HICKS

Dream Exactly Fall Learned Men Women
Caffeine from Monday to Friday to energize you enough to make you a productive member of society, and alcohol from Friday to Monday to keep you too stupid to figure out the prison that you are living in.
BILL HICKS

Caffeine Energize Friday Monday Productive The Figure
I can’t believe a war against drugs when they have anti-drug commercials on TV all day long followed by This Bud is for you.
BILL HICKS

Belief Commercial Long War
See we just had a misunderstanding. I thought we lived in the U.S. of A., the United States of America. But actually we live in the U.S. of A., the United States of Advertising. Freedom of expression is guaranteed? If you’ve got the money!
BILL HICKS

Country Expression United States
This is where we are at right now, as a whole. No one is left out of the loop. We are experiencing a reality based on a thin veneer of lies and illusions.
BILL HICKS

Heart Illusion Lying Reality
People in the U.K. share my bemusement with the United States that America doesn’t share with itself. They have a sense of irony, which America doesn’t have, seeing as it’s being run by fundamentalists who take things literally.
BILL HICKS

Bemusement Country People Running
It’s all about money, not freedom. If you think you’re free, try going somewhere without money, okay?
BILL HICKS

Okay Thinking Trying
I’ll smoke, I’ll cough, I’ll get the tumors, I’ll die, deal? Thank you America. [salutes]
BILL HICKS

Country Deals Salute
I have something to tell you non-smokers that I know for a fact that you don’t know, and I feel it’s my duty to pass on information at all times. Ready?. . . . Non-smokers die every day . . .
BILL HICKS

Evening Information Reality
The eyes of fear want you to put bigger locks on your doors, buy guns, close yourself off. The eyes of love, instead, see all of us as one.
BILL HICKS

Doors Eye Gun Instead One
I’m just skin covering coffee and some real nervous teeth.
BILL HICKS

Coffee Real Skins
Pot is a better drug than alcohol. I’ll prove it to you. You’re at a ball game or a concert, and someone’s really violent and agressive and obnoxious, are they drunk or are they smoking pot?
BILL HICKS

Drunk Games Marijuana Obnoxious
I don’t get along with anything, I really don’t…I’m, I’m, maybe I’m just a, you know, incredibly tasteful human being.
BILL HICKS

Anything Humans Know Tasteful

I wouldn’t give Satan a snowball’s chance in Hell against a woman’s ego.

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I wouldn’t give Satan a snowball’s chance in Hell against a woman’s ego.

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