“I don’t get along with anything, I really don’t…I’m, I’m, maybe I’m just a, you know, incredibly tasteful human being.”

We really are All One….this is the very philosophy that has kept me virtually anonymous in America for fifteen years.

It’s my object to be stared at like a dog that’s just been shown a card trick.

In the beginning God created the heavans and the earth… see you at the final.

We are losing the ‘War on Drugs,’ which means there’s a war going on and people on drugs are winning it.

I guess what surprised me the most was the discrepancy in casualties: Iraq, one hundred fifty thousand casualties, USA: seventy-nine!

I smoke to fill the potholes in my soul

Listen, the next revolution is gonna be a revolution of ideas.

Women priests. Great, great. Now there’s priests of both sexes I don’t listen to.

Your denial is beneath you, and thanks to the use of hallucinogenic drugs, I see through you.

Shut up! Go back to bed, America. Your government is in control. Here’s Love Connection. Watch this and get fat and stupid.

I ascribe to Mark Twain’s theory that the last person who should be President is the one who wants it the most. The one who should be picked is the one who should be dragged kicking and screaming into the White House.

I never got along with my dad. Kids used to come up to me and say, ‘My dad can beat up your dad.’ I’d say ‘Yeah? When?’

People in the United Kingdom and outside the United States share my bemusement with the United States that America doesn’t share with itself.

You ever noticed how people who believe in Creationism look really un-evolved? You ever noticed that? Eyes real close together, eyebrow ridges, big furry hands and feet. “I believe God created me in one day”. Yeah, looks like He rushed it

I have something to tell you non-smokers that I know for a fact that you don’t know, and I feel it’s my duty to pass on information at all times. Ready?. . . . Non-smokers die every day . . .

I’m tired of this back-slappin’ “isn’t humanity neat” bullshit. We’re a virus with shoes.

When asked, ‘Shall I tell my mother I’m gay?’, I reply, ‘Never tell your mother anything.

The first rule of making progress in anything you do is setting goals, allowing yourself to always have a finish line in sight. This provides a boost in motivation during those moments when slogging forward seems impossible, giving you something tangible to work towards at every moment.

More than anything else, I’d like to be an old man with a good face, like Hitchcock or Picasso.

If you grow yourself to become a successful person, in strength of character and mind, you will naturally be successful in anything and everything you do.

If you would test the character of anything, you only need to enquire whether that thing leads you to God or away from God.

There is nothing small about our God, and when we understand God we will find out that there ought not to be anything small about us.

I’m passionate about anything I align myself with. You want to talk about chocolate chip cookies? I’m not going to open a chocolate chip cookie store, but I will talk your ear off about it.

If I could pass along anything that my mother or my sisters taught me, I feel like my kids would be very well off.