“When you’re…stepping over a guy on the sidewalk…does it ever occur to you to think, ‘Wow. Maybe our system doesn’t work?’”

I get a kick out of being an outsider constantly. It allows me to be creative.

You think when Jesus comes back, he really wants to see a cross? That’s like going up to Jackie Onassis with a rifle pendant on.

England, where no one has guns: 14 deaths. United States…23,000 deaths from handguns. But – there’s no connection.

The Voice of Reason is in us all…and everyone can recognize it because it makes sense and everyone benefits from it equally.

Don’t worry; don’t be afraid, ever, because this is just a ride.

The economy that’s fake anyway! Ha ha ha! Which would be a real bummer. You know. You can see why the government’s cracking down… on the idea of experiencing unconditional love, ah.

Dinosaur fossils were placed in rocks by prankster God just to make human beings think the world is older than it is.

Nicotine patches are great. Stick one over each eye and you can’t find your fags.

How would you like to get inside that guy’s mind and look around for a hour? That guy sees opportunity at every glance, doesn’t he?

I believe that God left certain drugs growing naturally upon our planet to help speed up and facilitate our evolution.

It’s always funny until someone gets hurt. Then it’s just hilarious.

not all drugs are good.. some of them are great

I don’t identify with anyone historically, but there are several people in the future who I am a dead ringer for.

We’ll see who believes in me now. I am the Prankster God – I am killing me!

I used to love to call L.A. when I lived in New York… Is that the Big One I hear in the background? Bye, you lizard scum! Bye!

STRATFORD SUCKS!’ Am I supposed to run after these guys? I’d just stand there, you know. They’d back up. ‘STRATFORD SUCKS! …STRATFORD SUCKS!’ I’d say, ‘I know. I go there. You’re wasting gas, man.