I can’t watch TV longer than five minutes without praying for nuclear holocaust.
BILL HICKSChildren are smarter than any of us. Know how I know that? I don’t know one child with a full time job and children.
More Bill Hicks Quotes
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People say to me, Hey, Bill, the war made us feel better about ourselves. Really? What kind of people are these with such low self-esteem that they need a war to feel better about themselves?
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Mummy, I woke today and there was a Lincoln Log in me sock drawer! … That’s the story of Jesus.
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In Australia…they celebrate Easter the same…by telling our children a giant bunny rabbit…left chocolate eggs in the night
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We are one with God and He loves us. Now if that isn’t a hazard to this country-How’re we gonna keep building nuclear weapons?
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I left in love, in laughter, and in truth, and wherever truth, love and laughter abide, I am there in spirit.
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Women priests. Great, great. Now there’s priests of both sexes I don’t listen to.
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I wish I could meet a Christian who would proselytize to me, but they keep running away from me. I wanna talk to you all.
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I wouldn’t give Satan a snowball’s chance in Hell against a woman’s ego.
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Shut up! Go back to bed, America. Your government is in control. Here’s Love Connection. Watch this and get fat and stupid.
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I saw…a kid on a leash. You seen these people? Kid on a leash? How horrible. Put him in the pound where he belongs.
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I’d…bet enthusiasm for ‘ethnic cleansing’ will wane if only sticks and rocks are available for the warring parties.
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What did moths bump into before the electric light bulb was invented? Boy, the lightbulb really screwed the moth up didn’t it? Are there moths on their way to the sun now going, It’s gonna be worth it!.
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I was a weekend drinker…I’d start on Saturday, end on Friday…thought I was controlling it…but I don’t drink any more.
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The American dream is a crock. Stop wanting everything. Everyone should wear jeans and have three T-shirts, eat rice and beans.
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To make marijuana against the law is like saying God made a big mistake.
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Humanity is just a virus with shoes.
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Is it my business if somebody wants to burn a flag?…No, it’s not…That’s called logic and it’ll help us all evolve.
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If you don’t think drugs have done good things for us, then take all of your records, tapes and CD’s and burn them.
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People in the United Kingdom and outside the United States share my bemusement with the United States that America doesn’t share with itself.
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In the beginning God created the heavans and the earth… see you at the final.
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I never got along with my dad. Kids used to come up to me and say, ‘My dad can beat up your dad.’ I’d say ‘Yeah? When?’
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It is hard to quit smoking. Every one of them looks real good to me right about now. Every cigarette looks like it was made by God, rolled by Jesus and moistened shut with Claudia Schiffer’s pussy.
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You ever noticed how people who believe in Creationism look really un-evolved? You ever noticed that? Eyes real close together, eyebrow ridges, big furry hands and feet. “I believe God created me in one day”. Yeah, looks like He rushed it
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Sometimes my dad even gets on this kick–‘You hate this country’….I have to tell him…I just hate being lied to.
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Music is a great energizer. It’s a language everybody knows.
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I smoke to fill the potholes in my soul
BILL HICKS