If you don’t think drugs have done good things for us, then take all of your records, tapes and CD’s and burn them.
BILL HICKSIf I thought the Jews killed God, I’d worship the Jews.
More Bill Hicks Quotes
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I, like all artists in Western cultures, am a shaman…come in the guise of a comic…to heal perception by using…’jokes’.
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The best kind of comedy to me is when you make people laugh at things they’ve never laughed at, and also take a light into the darkened corners of people’s minds, exposing them to the light.
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I’m not into those kind of rivalries. I remember standing out in front of Stratford, minding my own business. Carload of about eighty kids would pull up.
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I do not believe making money in order to consume goods is mankind’s sole purpose on this planet.
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Let me tell you about gays in the military. I don’t want any gay people hanging around me while I’m killing kids. I just don’t want to see it.
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Mister, I don’t want no trouble. I just came downtown here to get some hard rock candy for my kids, some gingham for my wife. I don’t even know what gingham is, but she goes through about ten rolls a week of that stuff. I ain’t looking for no trouble, Mister.
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England, where no one has guns: 14 deaths. United States…23,000 deaths from handguns. But – there’s no connection.
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If you are living for tomorrow, you will always be one day behind.
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To me pornography is…spending all your money and not educating the people in America, but spending it instead on weapons.
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I believe that God left certain drugs growing naturally upon our planet to help speed up and facilitate our evolution.
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They Want You To Be A Docile Apathetic Consumer
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…I just want to be free of the fears and anxieties and the superstitions of religion. An ‘avenging GOD’? One who created Hell for those who don’t believe?
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Pornography is any act that has no artistic merit and causes sexual thoughts…Sounds like almost every commercial on TV to me.
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Any organization created out of fear must create fear to survive.
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If you’re so pro-life, do me a favour: don’t lock arms and block medical clinics. If you’re so pro-life, lock arms and block cemeteries.
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I don’t get along with anything, I really don’t…I’m, I’m, maybe I’m just a, you know, incredibly tasteful human being.
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People in the United Kingdom and outside the United States share my bemusement with the United States that America doesn’t share with itself.
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How come people always flip and think they’re Jesus? Why not Buddha? Particularly in America, where more people resemble Buddha than Jesus. ‘Ah’m BUDDHA!’ ‘You’re Bubba!’ ‘Ah’m Buddha now..All I gotta do is change 3 letters on ma belt.
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I’m just skin covering coffee and some real nervous teeth.
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I love the Pope, I love seeing him in his Pope-Mobile, his three feet of bullet proof plexi-glass. That’s faith in action folks! You know he’s got God on his side.
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I ascribe to Mark Twain’s theory that the last person who should be President is the one who wants it the most. The one who should be picked is the one who should be dragged kicking and screaming into the White House.
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I wish I could meet a Christian who would proselytize to me, but they keep running away from me. I wanna talk to you all.
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The definition of black irony is Pro-lifers killing Doctors who do abortions
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How are we gonna justify arms dealing when we realize that we’re all one?
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Humanity is just a virus with shoes.
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[Comedy] is an escape from illusions. The audience is…thinking, ‘This bullshit we see and hear all day makes no sense.’
BILL HICKS