black
grey
blue
red
brown
white

If I thought the Jews killed God, I’d worship the Jews.

Bill Hicks

If you don’t think drugs have done good things for us, then take all of your records, tapes and CD’s and burn them.
BILL HICKS

Burning Drugs Political Thinking
I, like all artists in Western cultures, am a shaman…come in the guise of a comic…to heal perception by using…’jokes’.
BILL HICKS

Artist Culture Perception Western
The best kind of comedy to me is when you make people laugh at things they’ve never laughed at, and also take a light into the darkened corners of people’s minds, exposing them to the light.
BILL HICKS

Exposing Laughing Light People
I’m not into those kind of rivalries. I remember standing out in front of Stratford, minding my own business. Carload of about eighty kids would pull up.
BILL HICKS

Business Kids Men Running
I do not believe making money in order to consume goods is mankind’s sole purpose on this planet.
BILL HICKS

Believe Order Purpose
Let me tell you about gays in the military. I don’t want any gay people hanging around me while I’m killing kids. I just don’t want to see it.
BILL HICKS

Funny Humor Military
Mister, I don’t want no trouble. I just came downtown here to get some hard rock candy for my kids, some gingham for my wife. I don’t even know what gingham is, but she goes through about ten rolls a week of that stuff. I ain’t looking for no trouble, Mister.
BILL HICKS

Candy Kids Look Mister Rocks Wife
England, where no one has guns: 14 deaths. United States…23,000 deaths from handguns. But – there’s no connection.
BILL HICKS

Connections Gun States United
If you are living for tomorrow, you will always be one day behind.
BILL HICKS

Behind Day One Tomorrow
To me pornography is…spending all your money and not educating the people in America, but spending it instead on weapons.
BILL HICKS

Country People Weapons
I believe that God left certain drugs growing naturally upon our planet to help speed up and facilitate our evolution.
BILL HICKS

Believe Drug Growing
They Want You To Be A Docile Apathetic Consumer
BILL HICKS

Apathetic Consumer Docile Want
…I just want to be free of the fears and anxieties and the superstitions of religion. An ‘avenging GOD’? One who created Hell for those who don’t believe?
BILL HICKS

Beliefs Children Religion Sorry Superstitious
Pornography is any act that has no artistic merit and causes sexual thoughts…Sounds like almost every commercial on TV to me.
BILL HICKS

Artistic Causes Commercial Sound
Any organization created out of fear must create fear to survive.
BILL HICKS

Created Fear Organization
If you’re so pro-life, do me a favour: don’t lock arms and block medical clinics. If you’re so pro-life, lock arms and block cemeteries.
BILL HICKS

Block Cemeteries Funny Humor
I don’t get along with anything, I really don’t…I’m, I’m, maybe I’m just a, you know, incredibly tasteful human being.
BILL HICKS

Anything Humans Know Tasteful
People in the United Kingdom and outside the United States share my bemusement with the United States that America doesn’t share with itself.
BILL HICKS

Country People United States
How come people always flip and think they’re Jesus? Why not Buddha? Particularly in America, where more people resemble Buddha than Jesus. ‘Ah’m BUDDHA!’ ‘You’re Bubba!’ ‘Ah’m Buddha now..All I gotta do is change 3 letters on ma belt.
BILL HICKS

Country Jesus Thinking
I’m just skin covering coffee and some real nervous teeth.
BILL HICKS

Coffee Real Skins
I love the Pope, I love seeing him in his Pope-Mobile, his three feet of bullet proof plexi-glass. That’s faith in action folks! You know he’s got God on his side.
BILL HICKS

Funny Glasses Humor Mobile Seeing
I ascribe to Mark Twain’s theory that the last person who should be President is the one who wants it the most. The one who should be picked is the one who should be dragged kicking and screaming into the White House.
BILL HICKS

Funny Humor Ideas Revolutionary
I wish I could meet a Christian who would proselytize to me, but they keep running away from me. I wanna talk to you all.
BILL HICKS

Christian Running Wish
The definition of black irony is Pro-lifers killing Doctors who do abortions
BILL HICKS

Doctor Funny Humor
How are we gonna justify arms dealing when we realize that we’re all one?
BILL HICKS

Arm Justify Ones Realize
Humanity is just a virus with shoes.
BILL HICKS

Humanity Shoes Viruses
[Comedy] is an escape from illusions. The audience is…thinking, ‘This bullshit we see and hear all day makes no sense.’
BILL HICKS

Bullshit Comedy Thinking

If I thought the Jews killed God, I’d worship the Jews.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

If I thought the Jews killed God, I’d worship the Jews.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

More Bill Hicks Quotes