People always snap and think they’re Jesus. How come no one ever snaps and thinks they’re Buddha?
BILL HICKSTo me pornography is…spending all your money and not educating the people in America, but spending it instead on weapons.
More Bill Hicks Quotes
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I believe that God left certain drugs growing naturally upon our planet to help speed up and facilitate our evolution.
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No one can give you any answers. There aren’t any. You have to discover for yourself-you must learn to navigate the mystery.
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I’ve had seven balls of light come off a UFO…explain to me telepathically we are all one and there’s no such thing as death.
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Would you let the aliens land, please? They might be here to pick me up.
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Ever notice that people who believe in creationism look really unevolved? Eyes real close together, big furry hands and feet. “I believe God created me in one day.” Yeah, looks like he rushed it.
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Rock stars hawking Diet Cokes–are demons set loose on the Earth to lower the standards for the perfect & holy children of God!
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I never got along with my dad. Kids used to come up to me and say, ‘My dad can beat up your dad.’ I’d say ‘Yeah? When?’
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There is a 3rd point of view on the gun control issue – those who I refer to as THE VICTIMS – but they remain strangely silent.
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I’ve been on what I call my UFO Tour, which means, like UFOs, I too have been appearing in small southern towns in front of a handful of hillbillies lately.
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We’ll see who believes in me now. I am the Prankster God – I am killing me!
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You want a better world…? Legalize pot right now. …end the deficit? Legalize pot right now…biggest cash crop in America.
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A world where greed is our God and wisdom is sin, where division is key and unity is fantasy, where the ego-driven cleverness of the mind is praised, rather than the intelligence of the heart.
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As long as one person lives in darkness then it seems to be a responsibility to tell other people.
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Children are smarter than any of us. Know how I know that? I don’t know one child with a full time job and children.
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Nicotine patches are great. Stick one over each eye and you can’t find your fags.
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God has this…hobby. He creates perfection. This world is not perfect. We have to learn to separate illusions from reality.
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How come people always flip and think they’re Jesus? Why not Buddha? Particularly in America, where more people resemble Buddha than Jesus. ‘Ah’m BUDDHA!’ ‘You’re Bubba!’ ‘Ah’m Buddha now..All I gotta do is change 3 letters on ma belt.
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When two or more people agree on an issue, I form on the other side.
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This is where we are at right now, as a whole. No one is left out of the loop. We are experiencing a reality based on a thin veneer of lies and illusions.
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STRATFORD SUCKS!’ Am I supposed to run after these guys? I’d just stand there, you know. They’d back up. ‘STRATFORD SUCKS! …STRATFORD SUCKS!’ I’d say, ‘I know. I go there. You’re wasting gas, man.
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I’ll smoke, I’ll cough, I’ll get the tumors, I’ll die, deal? Thank you America. [salutes]
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In Australia…they celebrate Easter the same…by telling our children a giant bunny rabbit…left chocolate eggs in the night
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Pornography is any act that has no artistic merit and causes sexual thoughts…Sounds like almost every commercial on TV to me.
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Oh my God. Lift me up out of this illusion, Lord. Heal my perception that I might know only reality and only you.
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I can’t believe a war against drugs when they have anti-drug commercials on TV all day long followed by This Bud is for you.
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It’s always funny until someone gets hurt. Then it’s just hilarious.
BILL HICKS