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Mummy, I woke today and there was a Lincoln Log in me sock drawer! … That’s the story of Jesus.

Bill Hicks

When two or more people agree on an issue, I form on the other side.
BILL HICKS

Funny Humor People Two
I’ve learned a lot about women. I think I’ve learned exactly how the fall of man occured in the Garden of Eden. Adam and Eve were in the Garden of Eden, and Adam said one day, Wow, Eve, here we are, at one with nature, at one with God, we’ll never age.
BILL HICKS

Dream Exactly Fall Learned Men Women
Marijuana: a drug that kills … no one – and let’s put it in a time frame – ever. Illegal.
BILL HICKS

Drug Illegal Marijuana
Would you let the aliens land, please? They might be here to pick me up.
BILL HICKS

Land might Pick Please
Is it my business if somebody wants to burn a flag?…No, it’s not…That’s called logic and it’ll help us all evolve.
BILL HICKS

Flags Helping Want
I wish I could meet a Christian who would proselytize to me, but they keep running away from me. I wanna talk to you all.
BILL HICKS

Christian Running Wish
If you are living for tomorrow, you will always be one day behind.
BILL HICKS

Behind Day One Tomorrow
People often ask me where I stand politically. It’s not that I disagree with Bush’s economic policy or his foreign policy, it’s that I believe he was a child of Satan sent here to destroy the planet Earth. Little to the left.
BILL HICKS

Children Believe Earth Left Little People
Why is marijuana against the law? It grows naturally on our planet, serves a thousand different functions, all of them positive. To make marijuana against the law is like saying that God made a mistake.
BILL HICKS

Law Marijuana Mistakes Positivity
Surgeon General’s warning ought to read: Smoking has been determined t0 cause cancer, heart disease & rednecks with seniority.
BILL HICKS

Cancer Disease Heart Seriously
I just have one of those faces. People come up to me and say, ‘What’s wrong?’ Nothing. ‘Well, it takes more energy to frown than it does to smile.’ Yeah, you know it takes more energy to point that out than it does to leave me alone?
BILL HICKS

Alone Funny Humor Knowledge People
I’m glad mushrooms are against the law, because I took them one time, and you know what happened to me? I laid in a field of green grass for four hours going, “My God! I love everything.” Yeah, now if that isn’t a hazard to our country…
BILL HICKS

Country Happened Law Mushrooms
We’ll never die, and all our dreams come true the instant that we have them. And Eve said, Yeah… it’s just not enough is it?
BILL HICKS

Adam Dreams Enough Eve Instant
They believe the bible is the exact word of God – Then they change the bible! Pretty presumptuous, hu huh? “I think what God meant to say…”
BILL HICKS

Believe God Thinking Word
I wouldn’t give Satan a snowball’s chance in Hell against a woman’s ego.
BILL HICKS

Chance Ego Giving
I’m totally confused about what I’m going to do with my life.
BILL HICKS

Confused Going Life Totally

Mummy, I woke today and there was a Lincoln Log in me sock drawer! … That’s the story of Jesus.

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Mummy, I woke today and there was a Lincoln Log in me sock drawer! … That’s the story of Jesus.

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Popular Authors

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