black
grey
blue
red
brown
white

Mummy, I woke today and there was a Lincoln Log in me sock drawer! … That’s the story of Jesus.

Bill Hicks

I don’t do drugs anymore… than, say, the average touring funk band.
BILL HICKS

Average Funny Humor
You want a better world…? Legalize pot right now. …end the deficit? Legalize pot right now…biggest cash crop in America.
BILL HICKS

Cash Country World
Do I have a message? Yes, I do. Here’s my message: as scary as the world is – and it is – it is merely a ride …
BILL HICKS

Messages Scary World
You ever seen somebody do that? I’ve seen someone do that. Let me tell you something – if you’re smoking out of a hole in your neck [mimics it again] I’d think about quitting. And that’s just me, ya know.
BILL HICKS

Big Fear Quitting Smoke Something Think
I was in a cab in New York. The cab had a sign, “Please do not smoke, Christ is our unseen guest.” This guy was reaching.
BILL HICKS

Country Light Thinking
The war on drugs to me is absolutely phoney, its so obviously phoney, ok? It’s a war against our civil rights, that’s all it is. They’re using it to make us afraid to go out at night, afraid of each other, so that we lock ourselves in our homes and they get suspending our rights one by one.
BILL HICKS

Afraid Home Night Suspending War
Dinosaur fossils were placed in rocks by prankster God just to make human beings think the world is older than it is.
BILL HICKS

Rocks Thinking World
How many people disapprove of the job the Conservatives are doing? Seventy percent. Of those same people, how many will vote for them again? …Seventy percent. What the fuck? Where did they take this poll, at an S&M parlor?
BILL HICKS

Jobs People Vote
People often ask me where I stand politically. It’s not that I disagree with Bush’s economic policy or his foreign policy, it’s that I believe he was a child of Satan sent here to destroy the planet Earth. Little to the left.
BILL HICKS

Children Believe Earth Left Little People
Just one thing I know for sure, chicks dig jerks.
BILL HICKS

Chicks Jerk Knows
I don’t care if you’re obscene, filthy, horrendous — as long as you’re honest.
BILL HICKS

Caring Honest Long
I don’t get along with anything, I really don’t…I’m, I’m, maybe I’m just a, you know, incredibly tasteful human being.
BILL HICKS

Anything Humans Know Tasteful
We are the facilitators of our own creative evolution.
BILL HICKS

Creative Creativity Evolution
Rock stars against drugs–that’s what we want, isn’t it? Government-approved rock-n-roll? Woo! We’re partying now!
BILL HICKS

Approved Party Rocks Stars
The economy that’s fake anyway! Ha ha ha! Which would be a real bummer. You know. You can see why the government’s cracking down… on the idea of experiencing unconditional love, ah.
BILL HICKS

Cracking Experience Government
When two or more people agree on an issue, I form on the other side.
BILL HICKS

Funny Humor People Two
I’m glad mushrooms are against the law, because I took them one time, and you know what happened to me? I laid in a field of green grass for four hours going, “My God! I love everything.” Yeah, now if that isn’t a hazard to our country…
BILL HICKS

Country Happened Law Mushrooms
The Voice of Reason is in us all…and everyone can recognize it because it makes sense and everyone benefits from it equally.
BILL HICKS

Benefits Reason Voice
Good comedy helps people know they’re not alone. Great comedy provides an answer.
BILL HICKS

Answers Helping People
How do I know the Bible isn’t the word of God? Well if it was the word of God it would be clear and easy to understand…considering God was the creator of LANGUAGE!
BILL HICKS

Atheism Atheist Religion
People in the United Kingdom and outside the United States share my bemusement with the United States that America doesn’t share with itself.
BILL HICKS

Country People United States
Caffeine from Monday to Friday to energize you enough to make you a productive member of society, and alcohol from Friday to Monday to keep you too stupid to figure out the prison that you are living in.
BILL HICKS

Caffeine Energize Friday Monday Productive The Figure
You are the imagination of yourself.
BILL HICKS

Imagination Imagine Yourself
Your denial is beneath you, and thanks to the use of hallucinogenic drugs, I see through you.
BILL HICKS

Drug Funny Humor
If you don’t think drugs have done good things for us, then take all of your records, tapes and CD’s and burn them.
BILL HICKS

Burning Drugs Political Thinking
Shut up! Go back to bed, America. Your government is in control. Here’s Love Connection. Watch this and get fat and stupid.
BILL HICKS

Country Government Stupid
I’ve had seven balls of light come off a UFO…explain to me telepathically we are all one and there’s no such thing as death.
BILL HICKS

Balls Light Seven

Mummy, I woke today and there was a Lincoln Log in me sock drawer! … That’s the story of Jesus.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

Mummy, I woke today and there was a Lincoln Log in me sock drawer! … That’s the story of Jesus.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

More Bill Hicks Quotes