“I’ve been on what I call my UFO Tour, which means, like UFOs, I too have been appearing in small southern towns in front of a handful of hillbillies lately.”

The role of the comedian is to say ‘Wait a minute’ when a consensus starts to form.

This Bud’s for yooouuuu.” C’mon, everybody, let’s be hypocritical bastards. It’s okay to drink your drug. We meant those other drugs. Those untaxed drugs. Those are the ones that are bad for you.

When you’re…stepping over a guy on the sidewalk…does it ever occur to you to think, ‘Wow. Maybe our system doesn’t work?’

Children are smarter than any of us. Know how I know that? I don’t know one child with a full time job and children.

I left in love, in laughter, and in truth, and wherever truth, love and laughter abide, I am there in spirit.

Enjoy your evening. See, I know that you entertain this eternal life fantasy because you’ve chosen not to smoke, but let me be the 1st to POP that bubble and bring you hurling back to reality . . . You’re dead too.

Why is pot against the law? It wouldn’t be because anyone can grow it, and therefore you can’t make a profit off it, would it?

While I’ve found many of the religious shows I’ve viewed over the years not to be to my liking, or in line with my own beliefs, I’ve never considered it my place to exert any greater type of censorship than changing the channel, or better yet – turning off the TV completely.

How many people disapprove of the job the Conservatives are doing? Seventy percent. Of those same people, how many will vote for them again? …Seventy percent. What the fuck? Where did they take this poll, at an S&M parlor?

I figure, if he could overcome being nailed to a cross, I don’t think a Marlboro Light’s gonna faze him that much.

I go to dance clubs…about once a year just to justify the other 364 days I spend in my apartment going ‘God, what idiots!’

As long as one person lives in darkness then it seems to be a responsibility to tell other people.

Our next Cold War ought to be with ourselves…After all, who poses the biggest danger to the American environment? We do.

I find it ironic that people who are against things that cause sexual thoughts are generally fundamentalist Christians who also believe you should be fruitful and multiply.

I got this big fear of doing smoking jokes in my act and showing up five years from now goin’ [puts mic to his neck and speaks as if he had a mechanical larynx] ‘good evening everybody, remember me, smoking’s bad. [puts cigarette to neck and mimics smoking it] Eeww.

I just have one of those faces. People come up to me and say, ‘What’s wrong?’ Nothing. ‘Well, it takes more energy to frown than it does to smile.’ Yeah, you know it takes more energy to point that out than it does to leave me alone?

I love flying. I’ve been to almost as many places as my luggage.

Flying the Feathered Edge captures my life story in an authentic and accurate way. I don’t know how it could have been done any better.

The most important thing in fighting was shooting, next the various tactics in coming into a fight and last of all flying ability itself.

As with most phobias, the fear of flying does make some sense, but if ever there was a fear worth quashing then this is it. After all, life is short, and there’s a great big world to explore out there.

I decided blacks should not have to experience the difficulties I had faced, so I decided to open a flying school and teach other black women to fly.

I’m not a rock star, I’m not Seane Corne or Shiva Rea or Rodney Yee or Baron (Baptiste) or John Friend, and thank God, because there’s just too much risk of getting hit by flying tomatoes if you stick out that much.

You have to remember that whatever pressure there is flying around, most of it is on the home team.

Flying for the airlines is not supposed to be an adventure. From takeoff to landing, the autopilots handle the controls.