I don’t do drugs anymore… than, say, the average touring funk band.
BILL HICKSI’ve been on what I call my UFO Tour, which means, like UFOs, I too have been appearing in small southern towns in front of a handful of hillbillies lately.
More Bill Hicks Quotes
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The definition of black irony is Pro-lifers killing Doctors who do abortions
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I’m very tired of staring out into your vacant faces looking back at me. Wanting to fill your empty lives with humor you couldn’t possibly think of yourself… Good evening!
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All your beliefs, they’re just that. They’re nothing. They’re how you were taught and raised. That doesn’t make ’em real.
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Rock stars hawking Diet Cokes–are demons set loose on the Earth to lower the standards for the perfect & holy children of God!
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No, I don’t do drugs anymore, either. But I’ll tell you something about drugs. I used to do drugs, but I’ll tell you something honestly about drugs, honestly, and I know it’s not a very popular idea, you don’t hear it very often anymore, but it is the truth,
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I can’t watch TV longer than five minutes without praying for nuclear holocaust.
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Mister, I don’t want no trouble. I just came downtown here to get some hard rock candy for my kids, some gingham for my wife. I don’t even know what gingham is, but she goes through about ten rolls a week of that stuff. I ain’t looking for no trouble, Mister.
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I don’t care if you’re obscene, filthy, horrendous — as long as you’re honest.
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England, where no one has guns: 14 deaths. United States…23,000 deaths from handguns. But – there’s no connection.
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I was told when I grew up I could be anything I wanted: a fireman, a policeman, a doctor – even President, it seemed. And for the first time in the history of mankind, something new, called an astronaut. But like so many kids brought up on a steady diet of Westerns.
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How are we gonna justify arms dealing when we realize that we’re all one?
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You want a better world…? Legalize pot right now. …end the deficit? Legalize pot right now…biggest cash crop in America.
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May I suggest, instead of a war to feel better about yourself, perhaps… sit-ups? Maybe a fruit cup? Eight glasses of water a day?
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The American dream is a crock. Stop wanting everything. Everyone should wear jeans and have three T-shirts, eat rice and beans.
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A world where greed is our God and wisdom is sin, where division is key and unity is fantasy, where the ego-driven cleverness of the mind is praised, rather than the intelligence of the heart.
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Isn’t that weird, we’ve made nature against the law. That’s how un-natural we’ve become.
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Watching television is like taking black spray paint to your third eye.
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If you are living for tomorrow, you will always be one day behind.
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I love talking about Kennedy assassination…a great archetypal example of how totalitarian government…sorry, wrong meeting.
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Any organization created out of fear must create fear to survive.
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I can’t believe a war against drugs when they have anti-drug commercials on TV all day long followed by This Bud is for you.
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I believe that there is an equality to all humanity. We all suck.
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They Want You To Be A Docile Apathetic Consumer
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It’s my object to be stared at like a dog that’s just been shown a card trick.
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It’s all about money, not freedom. If you think you’re free, try going somewhere without money, okay?
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You know, when I see those two twins on that Doublemint commercial? I’m not thinking of gum. I am thinking of chewing, so maybe that’s the connection they’re trying to make.
BILL HICKS