I’m not into those kind of rivalries. I remember standing out in front of Stratford, minding my own business. Carload of about eighty kids would pull up.
BILL HICKSI go to dance clubs…about once a year just to justify the other 364 days I spend in my apartment going ‘God, what idiots!’
More Bill Hicks Quotes
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Mummy, I woke today and there was a Lincoln Log in me sock drawer! … That’s the story of Jesus.
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You are the imagination of yourself.
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They proved that if you quit smoking, it will prolong your life. What they haven’t proved is that a prolonged life is a good thing. I haven’t seen the stats on that yet.
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My voice was not heard, the questions were not asked that I wanted to see asked.
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I have something to tell you non-smokers that I know for a fact that you don’t know, and I feel it’s my duty to pass on information at all times. Ready?. . . . Non-smokers die every day . . .
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The CIA has a plot…they’ve used before to get rid of world leaders. Only problem…is convincing Hussein…to fly to Dallas.
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Would you let the aliens land, please? They might be here to pick me up.
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You want a better world…? Legalize pot right now. …end the deficit? Legalize pot right now…biggest cash crop in America.
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I smoke. If this bothers anyone, I suggest you look around at the world in which we live and shut your f-kin’ mouth.
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How are we gonna justify arms dealing when we realize that we’re all one?
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I figure, if he could overcome being nailed to a cross, I don’t think a Marlboro Light’s gonna faze him that much.
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I’ve been on what I call my UFO Tour, which means, like UFOs, I too have been appearing in small southern towns in front of a handful of hillbillies lately.
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Just a simple choice, right now, between fear and love. The eyes of fear want you to put bigger locks on your doors, buy guns, close yourself off. The eyes of love instead see all of us as one.
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England, where no one has guns: 14 deaths. United States…23,000 deaths from handguns. But – there’s no connection.
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Keith Richards outlived Jim Fixx, the runner and health-nut dude. The plot thickens.
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I used to love to call L.A. when I lived in New York… Is that the Big One I hear in the background? Bye, you lizard scum! Bye!
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Why do we put people who are on drugs in jail? They’re sick, they’re not criminals. Sick people don’t get healed in prison. You see? It makes no sense.
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I believe we all have the Voice of Reason inside us…to gently lead us out of our own self-created hells.
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I…am an evolved being who deals solely with the source of light…in all of us in our own minds. No middleman required.
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Rock stars hawking Diet Cokes–are demons set loose on the Earth to lower the standards for the perfect & holy children of God!
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I got this big fear of doing smoking jokes in my act and showing up five years from now goin’ [puts mic to his neck and speaks as if he had a mechanical larynx] ‘good evening everybody, remember me, smoking’s bad. [puts cigarette to neck and mimics smoking it] Eeww.
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Life is only a dream, and we are the imagination of ourselves.
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I do not believe making money in order to consume goods is mankind’s sole purpose on this planet. If you’re wondering what I believe our purpose on this planet is, I’ll give you a hint… it has to do with creating and sharing.
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BTW A 24 week old embryo is not a human being. You’re not a human being until you’re in my phone book.
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They Want You To Be A Docile Apathetic Consumer
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I was in Australia….Lotta leg room down under. Apartments: dollar a month. 2000-acre den….think of the parties.
BILL HICKS