Three blokes go into a pub. Something happens. The outcome was hilarious!
BILL BAILEYYou remind me of the Siberian hunting spider, which adopts a highly convincing limp in three of its eight legs in order to attract its main prey.
More Bill Bailey Quotes
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Yes. Yes, when we live our life like 1950s detective films. I often go to my fridge, “Hullo, we’re out of milk. I say mother, where’s the milk?”
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I’m a vegetarian, I’m not strict. I eat fish. And duck, but they’re nearly fish aren’t they.
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So many beautiful things, I cannot possess them all!
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Three women walk into a pub and say, ‘Hooray, we’ve colonised a male-dominated joke format’
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The so-called Samaritan squirrel, which takes pity on the spider, and then the spider jumps on it and injects the paralyzing venom, while the squirrel remains bafflingly philosophical about the whole thing.
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My wife bought me a vintage Gibson guitar that isn’t just beautiful but has tremendous sentimental value. I have plenty of guitars for live gigs but this is one to treasure.
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The way we live in the West we live like kings. People moan about this and that in Britain but we have running water, electricity, security and a rule of law and so many people in the world don’t have these.
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Marijuana? It’s harmless really, unless you fashion it into a club and beat somebody over the head with it
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I think we’ve missed a trick there. We could develop wheat with the properties of Velcro… to catch whatever it is that’s forming those crop circles! But then the spaceship would have to have the corresponding Velcro, so it’s a bit of a long shot.
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Do not crush the flowers of wisdom with the hobnail boots of cynicism.
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Nostalgia: How long’s that been around?
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In Unity there is strength; We can move mountains when we’re united and enjoy life – Without unity we are victims. Stay united.
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Work hard, save and live within your means.
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I am a confectionery-based existentialist.
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I’m English, and as such I crave disappointment. That’s why I buy Kinder Surprise. Horrible chocolate; nasty little toy: a double-whammy of disillusionment! Sometimes I eat the toy out of sheer despair.
BILL BAILEY