There we go, that’s it. I just hold my hand in this position for the next couple of hours.
BILL BAILEYYou remind me of the Siberian hunting spider, which adopts a highly convincing limp in three of its eight legs in order to attract its main prey.
More Bill Bailey Quotes
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Not to be confused with the Ukrainian hunting spider, which actually has got a limp and is, as such, completely harmless, and a little bit bitter about the whole thing.
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Why do people want to swim with dolphins? The equivalent would be an Indonesian fellow coming over here, going up to a farmer and saying ‘Can I get in with the cows? I just fancy scuffling about with them.’
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Tonight’s show is about doubt. Or maybe it isn’t – haven’t made my mind up yet.
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I’m sort of like a post-modern vegetarian; I eat meat ironically.
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You remind me of the Siberian hunting spider, which adopts a highly convincing limp in three of its eight legs in order to attract its main prey.
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I once punched a bloke in the face for saying ‘Hawk the Slayer’ was rubbish, when what I should have said ‘Dad, you’re wrong.’
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So many beautiful things, I cannot possess them all!
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Three blokes go into a pub. One of them is a little bit stupid, and the whole scene unfolds with a tedious inevitability.
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Add a drop of lavender to milk, leave town with an orange, and pretend you’re laughing at it.
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I’m a vegetarian, I’m not strict. I eat fish. And duck, but they’re nearly fish aren’t they.
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I’m English and as such I crave disappointment. That’s why I buy Kinder Surprise.
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It’s not a beard, it’s an animal I’ve trained to sit very still.
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It’s the augmented fourth, or diminished fifth, depending on your outlook on life.
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My wife bought me a vintage Gibson guitar that isn’t just beautiful but has tremendous sentimental value. I have plenty of guitars for live gigs but this is one to treasure.
BILL BAILEY -
I’m English, and as such I crave disappointment. That’s why I buy Kinder Surprise. Horrible chocolate; nasty little toy: a double-whammy of disillusionment! Sometimes I eat the toy out of sheer despair.
BILL BAILEY