You remind me of the Siberian hunting spider, which adopts a highly convincing limp in three of its eight legs in order to attract its main prey.
BILL BAILEYAdd a drop of lavender to milk, leave town with an orange, and pretend you’re laughing at it.
More Bill Bailey Quotes
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Hitler was a vegetarian. Just goes to show, vegetarianism, not always a good thing. Can in some extreme cases lead to genocide.
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There’s more evil in the charts than an Al-Qaeda suggestion box.
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What I’d like to do now – well, what I’d like to do now is grow my beard very long, weave it into my pubes and strum it like a harp.
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This shed does not contain me.
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I think we’ve missed a trick there. We could develop wheat with the properties of Velcro… to catch whatever it is that’s forming those crop circles! But then the spaceship would have to have the corresponding Velcro, so it’s a bit of a long shot.
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I’m English and as such I crave disappointment. That’s why I buy Kinder Surprise.
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Add a drop of lavender to milk, leave town with an orange, and pretend you’re laughing at it.
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I spent my childhood scrambling round badgers and foxes and playing fantastic country kid games like knocking on people’s doors and running away. God that was a good game.
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Contentment is knowing you’re right. Happiness is knowing someone else is wrong.
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Relaxed Empiricism — I only believe something to be true if someone I know quite well tells me if happened.
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Three women walk into a pub and say, ‘Hooray, we’ve colonised a male-dominated joke format’
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Marijuana? It’s harmless really, unless you fashion it into a club and beat somebody over the head with it
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I once punched a bloke in the face for saying ‘Hawk the Slayer’ was rubbish, when what I should have said ‘Dad, you’re wrong.’
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Three blokes go into a pub. Something happens. The outcome was hilarious!
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I’m quite lucky, because I’ve got a small, decorative concrete pig.
BILL BAILEY