I tried to like it. For me, it was like being smacked around the head by a piece of IKEA furniture: it hurts, but you’ve got to admire the workmanship.
BILL BAILEYOr, as I call it, a Cheesel, it’s a Weasel with a Cheese finish.
More Bill Bailey Quotes
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Television is where you earn regular money so you can plan a little bit but even then only when you have a regular gig. If you’re just doing the odd appearance, you don’t know if it will carry on.
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My wife bought me a vintage Gibson guitar that isn’t just beautiful but has tremendous sentimental value. I have plenty of guitars for live gigs but this is one to treasure.
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Live comedy’s a very reckless, foolhardy profession. You’re only as good as your last gig so earnings fluctuate.
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I tend to go through periods worrying, “Where am I going, I can’t see a way out of this,” and it becomes quite stressful. But sometimes you have to take a bet on yourself.
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The BBC did a survey of the top 50 things to do before we die. Not while we’re still alive, before we die.
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How many amoebas does it take to screw in a light bulb? One, no two! No four! …no eight!
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Three blokes go into a pub. Something happens. The outcome was hilarious!
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Or, as I call it, a Cheesel, it’s a Weasel with a Cheese finish.
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I once punched a bloke in the face for saying ‘Hawk the Slayer’ was rubbish, when what I should have said ‘Dad, you’re wrong.’
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I’m English, and as such I crave disappointment. That’s why I buy Kinder Surprise. Horrible chocolate; nasty little toy: a double-whammy of disillusionment! Sometimes I eat the toy out of sheer despair.
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Toughest job I ever had: selling doors, door to door.
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Relaxed Empiricism — I only believe something to be true if someone I know quite well tells me if happened.
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Why do people want to swim with dolphins? The equivalent would be an Indonesian fellow coming over here, going up to a farmer and saying ‘Can I get in with the cows? I just fancy scuffling about with them.’
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Tonight’s show is about doubt. Or maybe it isn’t – haven’t made my mind up yet.
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I suppose you could be a member of a terrorist organization in a non-violent way, in the laundry or the catering department.
BILL BAILEY