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Or, as I call it, a Cheesel, it’s a Weasel with a Cheese finish.

Bill Bailey

I think we’ve missed a trick there. We could develop wheat with the properties of Velcro… to catch whatever it is that’s forming those crop circles! But then the spaceship would have to have the corresponding Velcro, so it’s a bit of a long shot.
BILL BAILEY

Corresponding Funny Humor Long Thinking
Contentment is knowing you’re right. Happiness is knowing someone else is wrong.
BILL BAILEY

Contentment Happiness Knowing Someone
The way we live in the West we live like kings. People moan about this and that in Britain but we have running water, electricity, security and a rule of law and so many people in the world don’t have these.
BILL BAILEY

Electricity Kings Law People Running
The so-called Samaritan squirrel, which takes pity on the spider, and then the spider jumps on it and injects the paralyzing venom, while the squirrel remains bafflingly philosophical about the whole thing.
BILL BAILEY

Bafflingly Jump Paralyzing Philosophical Spider
I tend to go through periods worrying, “Where am I going, I can’t see a way out of this,” and it becomes quite stressful. But sometimes you have to take a bet on yourself.
BILL BAILEY

Quite Sometimes Stressful Way Worry
I’m a vegetarian, I’m not strict. I eat fish. And duck, but they’re nearly fish aren’t they.
BILL BAILEY

Ducks Funny Humor Strict
In Unity there is strength; We can move mountains when we’re united and enjoy life – Without unity we are victims. Stay united.
BILL BAILEY

Enjoying Life Moving Strength
This shed does not contain me.
BILL BAILEY

Funny Humor Shed
Yes. Yes, when we live our life like 1950s detective films. I often go to my fridge, “Hullo, we’re out of milk. I say mother, where’s the milk?”
BILL BAILEY

Funny Humor Milk Mother
Stupid National Anthem… Look at this flag; Two bears fighting over a pineapple. What kind of message does that send to the world? “Come to Belarus, where wild animals will steal your fruit.”
BILL BAILEY

Fighting Funny Humor Message Pineapple Stupid
What I’d like to do now – well, what I’d like to do now is grow my beard very long, weave it into my pubes and strum it like a harp.
BILL BAILEY

Funny Harp Humor Long
Or, as I call it, a Cheesel, it’s a Weasel with a Cheese finish.
BILL BAILEY

Cheese Funny Humor West
If you have enough money to be comfortable it makes life a lot easier and that’s undeniable. But I think happiness is more elusive.
BILL BAILEY

Easier Enough Happiness Thinking Undeniable
I’m English and as such I crave disappointment. That’s why I buy Kinder Surprise.
BILL BAILEY

Disappointment Kinder Surprise
I once punched a bloke in the face for saying ‘Hawk the Slayer’ was rubbish, when what I should have said ‘Dad, you’re wrong.’
BILL BAILEY

Dad Face Funny Humor Wrong
Relaxed Empiricism — I only believe something to be true if someone I know quite well tells me if happened.
BILL BAILEY

Belief Funny Happened Humor

Or, as I call it, a Cheesel, it’s a Weasel with a Cheese finish.

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Or, as I call it, a Cheesel, it’s a Weasel with a Cheese finish.

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Popular Authors

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