Three blokes go into a pub. One of them is a little bit stupid, and the whole scene unfolds with a tedious inevitability.
BILL BAILEYOr, as I call it, a Cheesel, it’s a Weasel with a Cheese finish.
More Bill Bailey Quotes
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Marijuana? It’s harmless really, unless you fashion it into a club and beat somebody over the head with it
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I never really thought comedy was a career option, just something I did for fun. Suddenly I realised I was getting paid which was a bonus. I studied for a diploma with the London College of Music, and teaching was something I thought I might do but comedy intervened.
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Work hard, save and live within your means.
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Or, as I call it, a Cheesel, it’s a Weasel with a Cheese finish.
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In Unity there is strength; We can move mountains when we’re united and enjoy life – Without unity we are victims. Stay united.
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It’s the augmented fourth, or diminished fifth, depending on your outlook on life.
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I know that to be a true fact because I read it in Heat magazine
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There we go, that’s it. I just hold my hand in this position for the next couple of hours.
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The so-called Samaritan squirrel, which takes pity on the spider, and then the spider jumps on it and injects the paralyzing venom, while the squirrel remains bafflingly philosophical about the whole thing.
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You remind me of the Siberian hunting spider, which adopts a highly convincing limp in three of its eight legs in order to attract its main prey.
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Thank God for Darwin, eh?
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I spent my childhood scrambling round badgers and foxes and playing fantastic country kid games like knocking on people’s doors and running away. God that was a good game.
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Contentment is knowing you’re right. Happiness is knowing someone else is wrong.
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Add a drop of lavender to milk, leave town with an orange, and pretend you’re laughing at it.
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Without the beat in the background, Jazz basically sounds like an armadillo was let loose on the keyboard.
BILL BAILEY