black
grey
blue
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Or, as I call it, a Cheesel, it’s a Weasel with a Cheese finish.

Bill Bailey

I’m a vegetarian, I’m not strict. I eat fish. And duck, but they’re nearly fish aren’t they.
BILL BAILEY

Ducks Funny Humor Strict
Television is where you earn regular money so you can plan a little bit but even then only when you have a regular gig. If you’re just doing the odd appearance, you don’t know if it will carry on.
BILL BAILEY

Appearance Gigs Littles Odd Television
Contentment is knowing you’re right. Happiness is knowing someone else is wrong.
BILL BAILEY

Contentment Happiness Knowing Someone
Three blokes go into a pub. One of them is a little bit stupid, and the whole scene unfolds with a tedious inevitability.
BILL BAILEY

Littles Stupid Three
I think we’ve missed a trick there. We could develop wheat with the properties of Velcro… to catch whatever it is that’s forming those crop circles! But then the spaceship would have to have the corresponding Velcro, so it’s a bit of a long shot.
BILL BAILEY

Corresponding Funny Humor Long Thinking
Toughest job I ever had: selling doors, door to door.
BILL BAILEY

Door Funny Humor Jobs More
Welcome to the O2. A unique building in Dublin, in that it is actually finished.
BILL BAILEY

Finished Funny Humor Unique
If you have enough money to be comfortable it makes life a lot easier and that’s undeniable. But I think happiness is more elusive.
BILL BAILEY

Easier Enough Happiness Thinking Undeniable
Yes. Yes, when we live our life like 1950s detective films. I often go to my fridge, “Hullo, we’re out of milk. I say mother, where’s the milk?”
BILL BAILEY

Funny Humor Milk Mother
I’m sort of like a post-modern vegetarian; I eat meat ironically.
BILL BAILEY

Funny Humor Meat
A horse walks into a bar, and the barman says “Why the long face?”. The horse replies: “I’m deeply troubled by the anthropomorphic aspects of my existence and the extent to which I am now protected by law.”
BILL BAILEY

Anthropomorphic Aspects Funny Horse Humor
My wife bought me a vintage Gibson guitar that isn’t just beautiful but has tremendous sentimental value. I have plenty of guitars for live gigs but this is one to treasure.
BILL BAILEY

Beautiful Guitar Tremendous Value Vintage
Or, as I call it, a Cheesel, it’s a Weasel with a Cheese finish.
BILL BAILEY

Cheese Funny Humor West
The BBC did a survey of the top 50 things to do before we die. Not while we’re still alive, before we die.
BILL BAILEY

Alive Die Funny Humor
Work hard, save and live within your means.
BILL BAILEY

Hard Mean Save Work
Three blokes go into a pub. Something happens. The outcome was hilarious!
BILL BAILEY

Funny Humor Outcome Three

Or, as I call it, a Cheesel, it’s a Weasel with a Cheese finish.

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Or, as I call it, a Cheesel, it’s a Weasel with a Cheese finish.

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Popular Authors

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