Don’t take a butcher’s advice on how to cook meat. If he knew, he’d be a chef.
ANDY ROONEYA cat’s idea of a ‘good time’ is to kill something.
More Andy Rooney Quotes
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Unfortunately, propaganda works.
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I’ve learned… That sometimes all a person needs is a hand to hold and a heart to understand.
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Anyone who watches golf on television would enjoy watching the grass grow on the greens.
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I’ve learned That having a child fall asleep in your arms is one of the most peaceful feelings in the world.
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I don’t know anything offhand that mystifies Americans more than the cotton they put in pill bottles. Why do they do it? Are you supposed to put the cotton back in once you’ve taken a pill out?
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Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.
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I’ve learned that life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.
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If, on the other hand, happiness depends on a good breakfast, flowers in the yard, a drink or a nap, then we are more likely to live with quite a bit of happiness.
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I didn’t get old on purpose, it just happened. If you’re lucky, it could happen to you.
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I’ve learned, That to ignore the facts does not change the facts.
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It isn’t working that’s so hard, it’s getting ready to work.
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Most of us end up with no more than five or six people who remember us. Teachers have thousands of people who remember them for the rest of their lives.
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Don’t you hate it when, your suitcase is the last one off the airplane?
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Women realize it’s not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage!
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I’d be more willing to accept religion, even if I didn’t believe it, if I thought it made people nicer to each other but I don’t think it does.
ANDY ROONEY