Aborigines, n.: Persons of little worth found cumbering the soil of a newly discovered country. They soon cease to cumber; they fertilize.
AMBROSE BIERCEBore, n. A person who talks when you wish him to listen.
More Ambrose Bierce Quotes
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Pray: To ask the laws of the universe to be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
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Philosophy: A route of many roads leading from nowhere to nothing.
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Eloquence, n. The art of orally persuading fools that white is the color that it appears to be. It includes the gift of making any color appear white.
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Absurdity, n.: A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one’s own opinion.
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A wedding is a ceremony at which two persons undertake to become one, one undertakes to become nothing, and nothing undertakes to become supportable.
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Accordion, n. An instrument in harmony with the sentiments of an assassin.
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Wine, madam, is God’s next best gift to man.
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Forgetfulness – a gift of God bestowed upon debtors in compensation for their destitution of conscience.
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War is God’s way of teaching Americans geography.
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Debt, n. An ingenious substitute for the chain and whip of the slavedriver.
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Conservative, n: A statesman who is enamored of existing evils, as distinguished from the Liberal who wishes to replace them with others.
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Fear has no brains; it is an idiot.
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Bore, n. A person who talks when you wish him to listen.
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Love: A temporary insanity curable by marriage.
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Knowledge is the small part of ignorance that we arrange and classify.
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