Aborigines, n.: Persons of little worth found cumbering the soil of a newly discovered country. They soon cease to cumber; they fertilize.
AMBROSE BIERCEAccordion, n. An instrument in harmony with the sentiments of an assassin.
More Ambrose Bierce Quotes
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Coward: One who, in a perilous emergency, thinks with his legs.
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PAIN, n. An uncomfortable frame of mind that may have a physical basis in something that is being done to the body, or may be purely mental, caused by the good fortune of another.
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Age, with his eyes in the back of his head, thinks it wisdom to see the bogs through which he has floundered.
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Accordion, n. An instrument in harmony with the sentiments of an assassin.
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Belladonna, n.: In Italian a beautiful lady; in English a deadly poison. A striking example of the essential identity of the two tongues.
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The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.
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Distance, n. The only thing that the rich are willing for the poor to call theirs and keep.
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Alliance – in international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply inserted in each other’s pockets that they cannot separately plunder a third.
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Women of genius commonly have masculine faces, figures and manners. In transplanting brains to an alien soil God leaves a little of the original earth clinging to the roots.
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Divorce: a resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries.
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Philosophy: A route of many roads leading from nowhere to nothing.
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Education, n.: That which discloses to the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understanding.
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Don’t steal; thou’lt never thus compete successfully in business. Cheat.
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Life – a spiritual pickle preserving the body from decay.
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There are two instruments worse than a clarinet – two clarinets.
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