Saint: A dead sinner revised and edited.
AMBROSE BIERCEAccordion, n. An instrument in harmony with the sentiments of an assassin.
More Ambrose Bierce Quotes
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REFLECTION,n: An Action of the mind whereby we obtain a clearer view of our relation to the things of yesterday and are able to avoid the perils that we shall not again encounter.
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Corporation: An ingenious device for obtaining profit without individual responsibility.
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True, man does not know woman. But neither does woman.
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April fool, n. The March fool with another month added to his folly.
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Brain: an apparatus with which we think we think.
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Mayonnaise: One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion.
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Death is not the end. There remains the litigation over the estate.
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Debt, n. An ingenious substitute for the chain and whip of the slavedriver.
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Mausoleum, n: the final and funniest folly of the rich.
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In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.
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Age, with his eyes in the back of his head, thinks it wisdom to see the bogs through which he has floundered.
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Forgetfulness – a gift of God bestowed upon debtors in compensation for their destitution of conscience.
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Alliance – in international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply inserted in each other’s pockets that they cannot separately plunder a third.
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A wedding is a ceremony at which two persons undertake to become one, one undertakes to become nothing, and nothing undertakes to become supportable.
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MIND, n. A mysterious form of matter secreted by the brain. Its chief activity consists in the endeavour to ascertain its own nature, the futility of the attempt being due to the fact that it has nothing but itself to know itself with.
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