Mayonnaise: One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion.
AMBROSE BIERCEThey say that hens do cackle loudest when there is nothing vital in the eggs they have laid.
More Ambrose Bierce Quotes
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Accordion, n. An instrument in harmony with the sentiments of an assassin.
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Patience, n. A minor form of dispair, disguised as a virtue.
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Year: A period of three hundred and sixty-five disappointments.
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Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
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A wedding is a ceremony at which two persons undertake to become one, one undertakes to become nothing, and nothing undertakes to become supportable.
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Life – a spiritual pickle preserving the body from decay.
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Conservative, n: A statesman who is enamored of existing evils, as distinguished from the Liberal who wishes to replace them with others.
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Coward: One who, in a perilous emergency, thinks with his legs.
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Belladonna, n.: In Italian a beautiful lady; in English a deadly poison. A striking example of the essential identity of the two tongues.
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Scriptures – The sacred books of our holy religion, as distinguished from the false and profane writings on which all other faiths are based.
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Bore, n. A person who talks when you wish him to listen.
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Christian, n.: one who believes that the New Testament is a divinely inspired book admirably suited to the spiritual needs of his neighbor.
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Labor is one of the processes by which A acquires property for B.
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Patriotism. Combustible rubbish ready to the torch of any one ambitious to illuminate his name.
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Money. A blessing that is of no advantage to us excepting when we part with it.
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