Accordion, n. An instrument in harmony with the sentiments of an assassin.
AMBROSE BIERCEThey say that hens do cackle loudest when there is nothing vital in the eggs they have laid.
More Ambrose Bierce Quotes
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Absurdity, n.: A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one’s own opinion.
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Mayonnaise: One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion.
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Labor is one of the processes by which A acquires property for B.
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The only distinction that democracies reward is a high degree of conformity.
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Bore, n. A person who talks when you wish him to listen.
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Death is not the end. There remains the litigation over the estate.
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Riot – A popular entertainment given to the military by innocent bystanders.
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Wine, madam, is God’s next best gift to man.
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LAWYER, n. One skilled in circumvention of the law.
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Mad, adj. Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence.
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Education, n.: That which discloses to the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understanding.
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Sweater, n.: garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly.
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IMAGINATION, n. A warehouse of facts, with poet and liar in joint ownership.
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Marriage, n: the state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress, and two slaves, making in all, two.
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Pray: To ask the laws of the universe to be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
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