ARMOR, n. The kind of clothing worn by a man whose tailor is a blacksmith.
AMBROSE BIERCEMYTHOLOGY, n. The body of a primitive people’s beliefs concerning its origin, early history, heroes, deities and so forth, as distinguished from the true accounts which it invents later.
More Ambrose Bierce Quotes
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PAIN, n. An uncomfortable frame of mind that may have a physical basis in something that is being done to the body, or may be purely mental, caused by the good fortune of another.
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Mayonnaise: One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion.
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Bore, n. A person who talks when you wish him to listen.
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Democracy is defended in 3 stages. Ballot Box, Jury Box, Cartridge Box.
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Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
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Accordion, n. An instrument in harmony with the sentiments of an assassin.
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Wine, madam, is God’s next best gift to man.
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Vote: the instrument and symbol of a freeman’s power to make a fool of himself and a wreck of his country.
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Electricity is the power that causes all natural phenomena not known to be caused by something else
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In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.
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Patience, n. A minor form of dispair, disguised as a virtue.
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Dawn: When men of reason go to bed.
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Conversation, n.: A vocal competition in which the one who is catching his breath is called the listener.
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Opposition, n. In politics the party that prevents the government from running amuck by hamstringing it.
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I think that I think, therefore I think that I am.
AMBROSE BIERCE