Mausoleum, n: the final and funniest folly of the rich.
AMBROSE BIERCEMYTHOLOGY, n. The body of a primitive people’s beliefs concerning its origin, early history, heroes, deities and so forth, as distinguished from the true accounts which it invents later.
More Ambrose Bierce Quotes
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Conversation, n.: A vocal competition in which the one who is catching his breath is called the listener.
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Prescription: A physician’s guess at what will best prolong the situation with least harm to the patient.
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Laughter, n. An interior convulsion, producing a distortion of the features and accompanied by inarticulate noises. It is infectious and, though intermittent, incurable.
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Religion. A daughter of Hope and Fear, explaining to Ignorance the nature of the Unknowable.
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Present, n. That part of eternity dividing the domain of disappointment from the realm of hope.
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Bore, n. A person who talks when you wish him to listen.
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Fear has no brains; it is an idiot.
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The hardest tumble a man can make is to fall over his own bluff.
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You don’t have to be stupid to be a Christian, but it probably helps.
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Knowledge is the small part of ignorance that we arrange and classify.
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The partisan strife in which the people of the country are permitted to periodically engage does not tend to the development of ugly traits of character, but merely discloses those that preexist.
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Wine, madam, is God’s next best gift to man.
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Belladonna, n.: In Italian a beautiful lady; in English a deadly poison. A striking example of the essential identity of the two tongues.
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Divorce: a resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries.
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Christian, n.: one who believes that the New Testament is a divinely inspired book admirably suited to the spiritual needs of his neighbor.
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