Christian, n.: one who believes that the New Testament is a divinely inspired book admirably suited to the spiritual needs of his neighbor.
AMBROSE BIERCEQuotation, n: The act of repeating erroneously the words of another.
More Ambrose Bierce Quotes
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Divorce: a resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries.
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They say that hens do cackle loudest when there is nothing vital in the eggs they have laid.
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Scriptures – The sacred books of our holy religion, as distinguished from the false and profane writings on which all other faiths are based.
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The partisan strife in which the people of the country are permitted to periodically engage does not tend to the development of ugly traits of character, but merely discloses those that preexist.
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ULTIMATUM, n. In diplomacy, a last demand before resorting to concessions.
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Responsibility, n. A detachable burden easily shifted to the shoulders of God, Fate, Fortune, Luck or one’s neighbor. In the days of astrology it was customary to unload it upon a star.
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Patience, n. A minor form of dispair, disguised as a virtue.
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The hardest tumble a man can make is to fall over his own bluff.
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Edible, adj.: Good to eat, and wholesome to digest, as a worm to a toad, a toad to a snake, a snake to a pig, a pig to a man, and a man to a worm.
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He who thinks with difficulty believes with alacrity.
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An election is nothing more than the advanced auction of stolen goods.
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Democracy is four wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch.
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Present, n. That part of eternity dividing the domain of disappointment from the realm of hope.
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Don’t steal; thou’lt never thus compete successfully in business. Cheat.
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True, man does not know woman. But neither does woman.
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