MIND, n. A mysterious form of matter secreted by the brain. Its chief activity consists in the endeavour to ascertain its own nature, the futility of the attempt being due to the fact that it has nothing but itself to know itself with.
AMBROSE BIERCEPatience, n. A minor form of dispair, disguised as a virtue.
More Ambrose Bierce Quotes
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Philosophy: A route of many roads leading from nowhere to nothing.
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Mayonnaise: One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion.
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They say that hens do cackle loudest when there is nothing vital in the eggs they have laid.
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Absurdity, n.: A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one’s own opinion.
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LIFE, n. A spiritual pickle preserving the body from decay. We live in daily apprehension of its loss; yet when lost it is not missed.
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Laughter, n. An interior convulsion, producing a distortion of the features and accompanied by inarticulate noises. It is infectious and, though intermittent, incurable.
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Love: A temporary insanity curable by marriage.
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Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
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Prescription: A physician’s guess at what will best prolong the situation with least harm to the patient.
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Sweater, n.: garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly.
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RATIONAL, adj. Devoid of all delusions save those of observation, experience and reflection.
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Scriptures – The sacred books of our holy religion, as distinguished from the false and profane writings on which all other faiths are based.
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Vote: the instrument and symbol of a freeman’s power to make a fool of himself and a wreck of his country.
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Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.
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In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.
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